it’s not all tits and smiles

23 Oct

Sometimes, when you go unprepared into something, with a barely thought-through idea that was shit to begin with, the result can be disappointing.  That’s another way of saying I had no idea what I was doing today, this first Titty Tuesday, and it went… tits up.

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My gracious sister Chloe accompanied me in to college to be my bodypainting model, ever good-natured and generous with her time.

I was going to paint Chloe as a mermaid, or in a military uniform with a cute hat, and pockets glued over her baps and epaulettes stuck on her shoulders.  I was also going to make her look like the Venus de Milo (but with arms), or Superman or Xena (but both of those were already taken).  We talked about what I was going to paint her as A LOT in the lead up to this, yet none of the ideas actually stuck.  It was all just a bit all over the place.

So I had no idea what I was going to do, and going in to class today, I felt incapable, disorganised, out of my depth… and all over the place.

startled cat gif

First up we gave the mermaid idea a whirl, which was such a HUGE flop I can’t bring myself to show you photos of it.  Ugh.  We LOL’d, Chloe wiped it all off (see pic above), and I started again on the back-up plan – TIGER!

That came together alright, but not before the tutor pointed out that my ideas were wishy-washy, disorganised and disconnected, I hadn’t done my homework, and I was obviously taking the easy option and staying well within my comfort zone by doing bodypainting that was essentially an extension of the same ole face-painting I’ve done a billion zillion times.

Green tiger for St Patrick's day

Green tiger for St Patrick’s day

All of which was true, but still dented my massive yet fragile ego, which was particularly fragile in light of the failed mermaid attempt.  AND on Monday afternoon I also didn’t like my work in Basic Makeup, it just… wouldn’t do what I wanted it to do.  My confidence was in the shitter.  It all got on top of me, friends.  For the first time since starting the course, this week I felt like I was just too crap at this to even try any more, and would never have a decent creative idea again as long as I live.

If I can’t even blend two eyeshadows together, how will I ever get by in a world filled with “self taught!  This isn’t my job, I just do it for fun!” makeup artists who are so insanely talented it makes me want to vomit?  Boo hoo.

So I pouted and felt sorry for myself and whinged to my nearest and dearest about my insecurities, and was reminded that (a) I’m learning, and not supposed to be good at bodypainting the first time I try it, (b) Max Factor himself probably can’t paint tits for shit (thanks Loz) and (c) it’ll pass, everyone has crap days.

alice tears

If you’re having an un-creative slump yourself, read this and you, too, will get over it.  Lesson learned: be organised and focussed, it will make you feel confident and the rest will fall into place.

Moving on, I had a go at the tiger bodypainting which I also wasn’t happy with, but it wasn’t a total fuck-up either.  When I do it for realsies, for the assessment in a couple of weeks, I’ll have honed my technique and I think it should come up alright.

It will obviously be, uh, finished on the day of the assessment.  Ie her face will be painted, her hair will be done, the photo submitted will be all styled and shit.

It will obviously be, uh, finished on the day of the assessment. Ie her face will be painted, her hair will be done, the photo submitted will be all styled and shit.

close up of brushwork/stippling.  LOL.  Rhymes with nippling.

close up of brushwork/stippling. LOL. Rhymes with nippling.

After “Advanced Makeup Techniques”, Chloe stuck around for the afternoon class (Basic Makeup) where we were practicing basic bridal makeup.

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marry me, darling

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I decided to temporarily relocate Chloe’s lip-line half way down her chin, just for fun.

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Hope you like our Wayne’s World style product placement there.

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*bridesmaid face*

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HOW does she, my own sister, have such a nice profile, while I look like a geriatric man who’s had a penis transplanted onto his face after losing his nose in a freak accident that also left him with a pronounced underbite? HUH?

wpid-20131022_143014.jpg   wpid-20131022_143213.jpg

So that’s what’s all happening up in here, flogstars.

What’s today’s video, you ask?  A Tits-Oot Tuesday post wouldn’t be complete without a nod to the Queen of Dollywood herself.  Wanna see Dolly Parton honking at her own magnificent rack and hollerin’ “hey Miley, I’ve got your wreckin’ balls right here!”?  ‘Course you do.  So watch this, it’s Dolly ‘rapping’ on Queen Latifah’s talk show.  Yes, you read that right.  You’re welcome.

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One Response to “it’s not all tits and smiles”

  1. Beau March 9, 2014 at 7:00 pm #

    Please…more pics of your face. You are so adorable.

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