I’m not being rude, that’s the name of the last Insane Championship Wrestling show that Angie and I did. Get your mind out of the gutter, you dirty depraved flogstars!
Or at least, if you’re in the gutter, I hope you’re looking up at the stars. Free makeover for whoever gets that reference first.
Anyhoo, today’s flog post brings a rare how-to. I guess I shouldn’t even be calling this a beauty blog in the first place, since how-tos and product reviews are so few and far between. WHATEVS, my flog, my rules 😛
So, Show Me Your Lizard. We did a bit of touching up and other misc makeup backstage, but the real action began when we had the bright (vodka-induced) idea to get in amongst the audience and offer our facepainting skillz.
we practiced on our arms first 🙂 photo by Chelsea Cochrane
That involved yelling “facepainting! Get your face painted! Show me your LIZARD!” at the punters as they entered the venue. Which for some reason, was extra-hilarious in an Australian accent. Here are some shots of what we did:
… and now for the how-to part. You will need green cream makeup and a paintbrush or foundation brush to apply it with (don’t use anything precious as it’s a pain in the ass to clean off a nice brush), an orange bag…
yep
…yellow facepaint and a sponge to stipple it on with.
Whack the green on first, give it a moment to dry, place the orange bag over the top (take the oranges out first dummy) then carefully stipple the yellow paint over the top. Lift the orange bag away, and voila, scales! Easy.
Here are some more backstage pics for your amusement. Commentary from me not required. Until next time, flogstars! xX
I’m alive and well, flogstars – I’ve just been a lazy bastard. A busy one actually, and over a week has passed without a post because I’ve been flat out like a lizard drinking (apologies, just getting my Australian lingo back up to scratch for the imminent visit home).
Here’s a quick recap of … some things I did.
Flog devotees (hey, you) will remember how hard I had made Chloe slave in the lead-up to the body painting assessment. The day came and I was as prepared as I could be. I’d burnt though nearly a whole cake each of orange, black and white Snazaroo paints in the practice sessions. Chloe’s torso was practically raw from having stripes scraped onto it with my cheap shitty brushes.
Doing the design plan right before I started the painting. Yes, that’s a toothbrush in my mouth. Imogen Maxwell: Eleventh Hour Calm is what I shall call my first autobiography.
And it came together pretty well. I had pulled together some good accessories – the black claw-nails, white fluffy eyebrows that I’d originally procured to use on Agi for the doomed oompa-loompa wig assessment, tiger ears headband, vampire fangs that wouldn’t bloody well stay in so I ended up Blu-Tac’ing them to Chloe’s incisors.
It’s really hard to get a wide shot in the bodypainting studio without there being like a MILLION boobs in the background.
All in all pretty happy with how it came up, and I passed, which is all that really matters.
That same day, Chloe stayed for the afternoon to be my model for Asian bridal makeup. Heehee.
International heartbreakers
In non-makeup but Chloe-related news, it was her birthday this week so I made a tiramisu…
… and we went out for drinks with Loz.
That’s all for today, my beloved flogstars. I’ve got a bit to catch you up on so will post again soon. And I’m thinking of completely changing up the format of the flog, so strap yourselves in.
And now, to bed… here’s Darren Hanlon with a lullaby to send you soundly to the land of nod.
Happy bonfire night, flogstars. Hope you’re not scared of fireworks.
be cool, be cool
Today is my bodypainting assessment; I’m as prepared as I can be, and ready for ACTION!
what my tiger bodypainting will not look like
WTF? They’re cheap red pointy false nails, blue-tacked on to the end of makeup brushes, so I could paint them black. They will be Chloe’s claws.
Here are some more halloween photos from the weekend to tide you over until I have new material. These are just pub randoms, not my work.
Alright, night night now. Big day tomorrow… IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME! So here’s Motorhead to sing you to sleep, which they won’t be doing in Glasgow in November because the tour’s been postponed. Gah. That’s THREE TIMES now that I’ve NOT seen Motorhead. Anyway, sweet dreams.
I don’t actually WANT to kill any of my classmates, but I’m going to have to.
They’re too talented, and I just don’t need that kind of competition.
This week we began Asian bridal in basic makeup, and continued practicing bodypainting for next week’s assessment.
My tiger is coming together OK; I was right, getting organised has helped confidence levels considerably. Today (Tits-Oot Tuesday) I practiced twice, first on Saoirse …
… after which she practiced her Xena cuff on my arm. I volunteered to get my top off like a million times, but no dice.
Then I practiced on Chloe at home …
… after which she sat around my lounge room topless, painted as a tiger, watching TV for ages and ages.
… and some goldeneye action to cover up my stained eyelids. Stained from the MAC Chromaline we were using as a base for the bright eyeshadow in Asian bridal. Oh, so pink and fabulous (until you try to wash it off – so, perfect for the long-wear you’d want on your wedding day!)
Graftobian cosmetic powdered metal (copper) and Graftobian Magic Set Mixing & Lining Liquid.
I don’t have any of my own to experiment with yet, but I suspect the Magic Set might rival Illamasqua sealing gel. It’s the same kind of thing – a setting liquid that you mix with powder to create an opaque, fast drying and long-lasting paint… only Graftobian’s is a fraction of the price.
Oh speaking of bargains, Crownbrush UK will be having a 20% off sale probably within the next couple of days (once they reach 20,000 ‘likes’ on Facebook). I use a lot of their brushes – they’re good and dirt cheap. Get in. You don’t need to spend heaps on brushes; if you use them a lot therefore clean them a lot, they’re going to lose hair regardless, so you may as well get cheaper ones cos they’re going to need replacing anyway. And I honestly don’t notice a difference in quality with most of my cheap brushes up against, say, MAC ones I’ve paid a fortune for.
It’s just unnecessary. Get cheap brushes and spend what you’ve saved on regular facials; no brush or foundation for that matter is going to make a lick of difference if you face has the texture of a house brick.
Bed time, flogstars. Here’s Harry Belafonte to sing you to sleep.
October is a big month here at imogenmaxwell.com – we’re fast approaching our first birthday and 100th post! Chloe has moved to Glasgow! It’s Halloween! And you know what that means. Crazy makeup, costumes, and skulls on EVERYTHING.
these are a few of my favourite thiiiiiings
Chloe is staying with me while she flat-hunts and job-hunts. The day before she arrived, I re-configured my room to fit her and her stuff in. The following morning I was in a bit of a mad rush to get out of the flat and off to college so I left something on the bed that left Chloe, by her own admission… speechless.
That’s right, a severed head aka a hairdressing dummy.
I call her Jenny.
I had been watching some reconstruction of the Meredith Kercher crime scene the other day on the telly, which inspired me to cast my eye around my own room and speculate about what conclusions a homicide detective/the world media would draw.
Not good.
My bedside table had two things on it; a measuring tape and a packet of painkillers.
How many creepy cat teapots do you have? I have three.
So now I have added “interior decorator” to my dream-list of staff, just to save me from posthumously humiliating myself.
Moving on, this week in college we continued with body painting and basic makeup. Thursday was my second wig assessment which … had to be abandoned half way through as my model fainted. Ooops. Poor old Agi, the studio really was very hot and stuffy, and the gin fumes rising off me as I got up close and personal with the body-paint wouldn’t have made her feel too good either.
This week in pictures:
Pin-curling Agi’s hair – couldn’t she have bloody well fainted BEFORE I had to do that fiddly bullshit?
Basic makeup with the Belfast Babes
I am actually that tall.
I am painted greyish white, for those too shy to ask. Yes, I am pale but not that pale!
My basic makeup on Belfast Babe Saoirse
That’s all I can show you for the time being, kids. We’ve got next week off college so updates may become (a) sporadic and (b) nothing to do with makeup, as Chloe and I will be shennaniganing all over Glasgow.
Today was our first bodypainting session. Our tutor Janet demonstrated a few techniques, painting a black corset with gold lace and roses, on one of our brave and gorgeous classmates (Jen), who was an awfully good sport about the whole thing.
Here’s the one photo I took, of everyone being pervy and taking photos of Jen with her baps out.
.
I asked Jen’s permission to upload this photo here, on my flog.
“Jen”, I said solemnly, “It is one thing to stand topless in front of 20 of your silent, gawping classmates for an hour while Janet paints your nips. It’s one thing to have a photo of your blacked-out rack all over Facebook, but quite another to have it on this, the greatest flog in all the land, a modern-day oracle, revered by titans of the cosmetic industry, creators, producers, artists, muses, rebels, waifs, designers, dreamers and lovers alike. Are you SURE you don’t mind me publishing this smartphone photo of your side-boob to the finest minds on the internet, my international audience of millions? Think carefully Jen, are you ready to become iconic, timeless, an indelible mark on the annals of cultural history, a part of the Imosphere… forever?”
Jen did one better. “Course it’s fine, I’ve got some better pics if you’d prefer to use those, I’m not shy!”
Then it was everyone else’s turn to strip off and give it a go. We are all much better acquainted now.
This is what I whipped up in my first attempt:
only took me like ten minutes, too. LOL, this is not, I repeat NOT, my work, I totally stole this image from … holy shit, I lost my reference page. Not good. Sorry, whoever this belongs to. UGH, this is the WORST blog etiquette, Imogen, the WORST. Not taking the picture down, mind, it’s too cool. Forgive me, blog gods.
Moving on, the afternoon class (Basic Makeup) involved me being cruelly separated from my beloved study-buddy Sinead, and paired with the equally delightful Magda:
hope y’all aren’t sick of these mirror photos, there are SO MANY more to come
who did this ‘basic 4-shadow blend’ on my mug:
everyone else in the class has nailed their ‘face for when a close-up photo is being taken of your makeup’ – not this guy.
And that was all in a day’s work, best beloved. I’m pooped.
A song before bedtime, you say? Go on.
Here’s Eels with The Good Old Days, from the album Shootenanny! (the exclamation mark is part of the album title, not just my enthusiastic punctuation). This song choice will surprise regular readers, who normally brace themselves for some terrible 80s hair metal at this time of the flog. I chose this song because I couldn’t get a link to All In A Day’s Work from the same album, and also because it’s beautiful, and nice and mellow for this time of night.
What is Shootenanny! doing in my CD collection, if I also own not one but TWO Iron Maiden albums? I’ll tell you. I was going to save this story for publication in a fucking epic post in which I interview myself, but let’s treat ourselves.
The most sensible new year’s resolution I ever had was to buy one new album every payday. I might reinstate that one actually, when I have paydays again that is, LOL. Anyhoo, Eels had a song on the radio that I liked, so I bought their album, loved it, then went to their show at the Thebarton Theatre in Adelaide, when they toured. This would have been about ten years ago.
Of every live music performance I have ever seen, and not to brag or anything but I have seen shitloads, Eels are the only band I’ve seen who kept playing after the show really was over. And I mean over. I don’t mean an encore. Lights were on, power was shut off, everyone had left. There was probably a lone wee guy sweeping up empty plastic beer cups. Still they kept going. My pal EJ and I were there until almost the bitter end; I don’t know how long they actually kept playing for, and the only reason I know for sure that they’re not still going on that very same stage is because I have seen other shows there since.
Anyway, Shootenanny! is a great album, and reminds me of… a time in my life that was technically a bit shit in a few ways, I hated my job for example, but music that makes you remember anything always makes you a bit fond, doesn’t it.
There you go. It looks better on my Instagram – are you following me? Get on it. www.instagram.com/imogenmaxwell
After all the chit-chat about getting into college and moving cities etc etc, we’re back to mucking about with the facepaint – the whole original point of this flog.
Here are the tasty boys from Jettblack with “Less Torque, More Thrust” to celebrate.
You can’t actually see them in that video obviously, so click here to be taken to some topless photos of them I just happen to have on archive.
Let’s face it, it may as well be the Chloe Maxwell blog/flog.
Here she is again, on her way to a friend’s Goths n’ Geeks themed party, rocking some goth makeup by me of course. And wearing one of my former favourite tshirts too. Oh, I do like a tshirt with a hood, I do.
Red eyeshadow by Napoleon Perdis (donated to me by the thunder down under, Miss Jacqui Mossop, who handed it over some years ago with a “I don’t know what I was thinking, here, you take it” – and I’ve had a surprising amount of use out of it.) The colour might not be your/anyone’s cup of tea but the product itself is good; highly pigmented, super-fine powder eyeshadow that applied and blended really well over my Makeup Forever eye primer.
The black around her eyes is Snazaroo face paint, which made Chloe’s eyes water to buggery – don’t put that shit on your waterline, people, it doesn’t belong there.
The red hair spray is something from Superdrug, I dunno, Chloe bought it. Ergo it was probably cheap, but it applied well and came out sans drama.
Chloe’s pallor is largely natural but she is also sporting:
Benefit Realness of Concealness yellow concealer under her eyes to counter her blueish-purple douche bags;
Sephora skin primer to fill in/smooth over the skin surface for flawless foundation;
Maybelline Dream Matt Mousse in its palest shade (although only where needed, most of that is her own lily-white complexion);
a touch of Boots No 7 green primer on her cheeks and across the bridge of her nose as she was heading to a party with drinking so this was all in aid of keeping her snowy-white and not looking like a red-faced drunkard in any photos.
The black lipstick is Illamasqua, and an excellent example of how dark lipstick on a … not-Angelina-Jolie-lipped lady can visually thin the lips quite spectacularly.
I am personally crusading to bring the thin lip back in to fashion. It seems I am alone in this quest, as I couldn’t find a photo of a human with lips thin enough for my liking, and so… to the cartoons. Some of my favourites have got it goin’ on, observe:
I know she’s traditionally considered a villain but I think Ursula is misunderstood.
Ursula is an excellent example of working with what you’ve got; her hair, nails and makeup are flawless (just LOOK at that uniformly purple skin!) and she refuses to be body-shamed into putting on a cardigan.
She’s also not afraid of drawing attention to that slimline lip there. I hope to look something like this when I’m in my 70s.
Pink, purple, stripey and a lil bit sleazy. Meow!
No lips to speak of on this guy, yet he still cuts a fine figure. I like the cut of the Cheshire Cat’s jib in general actually; why give everything away when you can be all smoke and mirrors?
I hope, like him, that when I disappear/fade away/shuffle off this mortal coil, I’ll be so unfathomably fabulous that no one will ever quite believe I was here in the first place.
She is in Oban HelpXing at the Backpackers again for the FOURTH time – yes, that is how much of an excellent boss I am. Never mind the fact that this technically means she has already left three times… she just can’t stay away.
But Carissa is more than an outstanding unpaid worker, she is also a very dear friend. She is a creative soul, willing to indulge me, schmokin’ hawt and able to throw excellent poses. Bingo.
As regular readers will know, I’ve gone a bit mad on the online wig procurement lately, and it seems silly not to put this transvestite treasure trove to good use. I’ve always loved wigs, in fact, for my 21st birthday, BFF Sophie and I had a party together to celebrate, and the theme was… WIGS.
If memory serves, this was when I first dabbled in the mullet lifestyle. I bought a big, bad, white-blonde Tina Turner/David Bowie-in-the-Labyrinth mullet and bloody loved it. I wonder where that wig is now. Probably in storage at Mum and Dad’s, bugger, I shouldn’t mention that because now they’re going to read this and bring up how much my crap is crapping up their garage.
the only thing better than a wig, is TWO wigs
But anyway. Carissa came over the other night and the green paint was still out from my date with a bunch of daffodils, so I was like, can I paint you green and draw a bunch of question marks between your boobs?
literally, a human WTF
Like I said, she is a very good sport.
Carissa is a female Riddler. She is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key.
wish my boobs were green…
YOLO
And then Chloe came home and wasn’t at all surprised because mad shit like this goes on all the time when you live with me.
That Will Smith song has been in my head for days, and now we must all suffer. Let’s get it out the way at the beginning of the post so we can put it behind us, move on and never speak of it again. So Thursday was a big day – a visit from […]
I strongly dislike airbrushing. It’s frustrating. The guns we use at college aren’t the best, and it’s impossible to clean them properly. That, and our class is 20-odd chicas, so we all have to share. Everything. All the time. There’s one of each thing we need, and 20 people wanting to use it at the […]
Which is why I find myself covered in aspirin and honey, and a head full o’ bleach on a Sunday night. I went to visit Melissa and Che in Edinburgh last night, cos I’m spontaneous like that. We watched Pretty Woman, Che and I got drunk and Melissa didn’t because she’s pregnant, and I made […]
Only my second week at makeup school and I’ve shaved my eyebrows off. Remember kids, if you DO shave your eyebrows off, you’ll need to learn how to quick-draw your emotions. This week, I have also been learning AIRBRUSHING! In the chair is my college, carpool, Facebook, and real life friend Sinead. We spray-painted each […]
If you’re an avid Imogen Maxwell fan, you’ll have noticed an unusual amount of activity on my Instagram recently. That’s because I am unemployed and have no friends. But considering I am unemployed and have no friends, I’ve been keeping quite busy. Let me tell you about my first week at college. The journey there […]
digital imologue 