Tag Archives: West College Scotland

rumours of my disappearance have been greatly exaggerated

13 Nov

I’m alive and well, flogstars – I’ve just been a lazy bastard.  A busy one actually, and over a week has passed without a post because I’ve been flat out like a lizard drinking (apologies, just getting my Australian lingo back up to scratch for the imminent visit home).

kangaroo gif

Here’s a quick recap of … some things I did.

Flog devotees (hey, you) will remember how hard I had made Chloe slave in the lead-up to the body painting assessment.  The day came and I was as prepared as I could be.  I’d burnt though nearly a whole cake each of orange, black and white Snazaroo paints in the practice sessions.  Chloe’s torso was practically raw from having stripes scraped onto it with my cheap shitty brushes.

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Doing the design plan right before I started the painting. Yes, that’s a toothbrush in my mouth. Imogen Maxwell: Eleventh Hour Calm is what I shall call my first autobiography.

And it came together pretty well.  I had pulled together some good accessories – the black claw-nails, white fluffy eyebrows that I’d originally procured to use on Agi for the doomed oompa-loompa wig assessment, tiger ears headband, vampire fangs that wouldn’t bloody well stay in so I ended up Blu-Tac’ing them to Chloe’s incisors.

It's really hard to get a wide shot in the bodypainting studio without there being like a MILLION boobs in the background.  And you've got to watch all those mirrors too - oh lookee, there's Megan with her baps out behind Chloe there, heehee

It’s really hard to get a wide shot in the bodypainting studio without there being like a MILLION boobs in the background.

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All in all pretty happy with how it came up, and I passed, which is all that really matters.

That same day, Chloe stayed for the afternoon to be my model for Asian bridal makeup.  Heehee.

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International heartbreakers

In non-makeup but Chloe-related news, it was her birthday this week so I made a tiramisu

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… and we went out for drinks with Loz.

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That’s all for today, my beloved flogstars.  I’ve got a bit to catch you up on so will post again soon.  And I’m thinking of completely changing up the format of the flog, so strap yourselves in.

And now, to bed… here’s Darren Hanlon with a lullaby to send you soundly to the land of nod.

baby you’re a firework

5 Nov
me for vendetta

me for vendetta

Happy bonfire night, flogstars.  Hope you’re not scared of fireworks.

be cool, be cool

be cool, be cool

Today is my bodypainting assessment; I’m as prepared as I can be, and ready for ACTION!

what my tiger bodypainting will not look like

what my tiger bodypainting will not look like

 

WTF?  They're cheap red pointy false nails, blue-tacked on to the end of makeup brushes, so I could paint them black.  They will be Chloe's claws.

WTF? They’re cheap red pointy false nails, blue-tacked on to the end of makeup brushes, so I could paint them black. They will be Chloe’s claws.

Here are some more halloween photos from the weekend to tide you over until I have new material.  These are just pub randoms, not my work.

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Alright, night night now.  Big day tomorrow… IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!  So here’s Motorhead to sing you to sleep, which they won’t be doing in Glasgow in November because the tour’s been postponed.  Gah.  That’s THREE TIMES now that I’ve NOT seen Motorhead.  Anyway, sweet dreams.

 

boo!

31 Oct

Hey hey flogstars, happy halloween.

Today was the final day for wig assessments, and while I had already completed both of mine, my services as a short-haired model were required.  Today I was Freyja’s model, and she turned me into a haunted Alice in Wonderland.  I don’t have copies of the pics from the college camera (yet) but here are a few from my phone.

sans wig

sans wig

a wee cheeky green one with halloween stickers, because why not

a wee cheeky green one with halloween stickers, because why not

completed look

completed look

with the pin curls taken out

with the pin curls taken out

bus home.  There are no other passengers BECAUSE I ATE THEM ALL!!!

bus home. There are no other passengers BECAUSE I ATE THEM ALL!!!

and now I'm sitting in the kitchen writing this flog post.  Not taking my makeup off, no sir.

and now I’m sitting in the kitchen writing this flog post. Not taking my makeup off, no sir.

 

The contacts are “Berzerker” from MesmerEyez.

So here’s 80s German power-metallers Helloween, with I Want Out.  Parental Advisory: Contains exactly as many fluffy blond Euro-mullets, denim jackets, leather, skin tight jeans that show EVERYTHING, and dodgy special effects as you would expect from a video endorsed on imogenmaxwell.com

Happy tricking and treating, ghouls.  Xx

easy, tiger

30 Oct

I don’t actually WANT to kill any of my classmates, but I’m going to have to.

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They’re too talented, and I just don’t need that kind of competition.

lucy's tattoo

This week we began Asian bridal in basic makeup, and continued practicing bodypainting for next week’s assessment.

My tiger is coming together OK; I was right, getting organised has helped confidence levels considerably.  Today (Tits-Oot Tuesday) I practiced twice, first on Saoirse …

saoirse tiger

… after which she practiced her Xena cuff on my arm.  I volunteered to get my top off like a million times, but no dice.

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Then I practiced on Chloe at home …

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… after which she sat around my lounge room topless, painted as a tiger, watching TV for ages and ages.

tv tiger 2

Also this week: Asian bridal …

Tutor Caroline demonstrating on model Jen

Tutor Caroline demonstrating on model Jen

… CV head-shot makeup for Chloe …

I'm hired!

I’m hired!

… a bit o’ facepainting on lovely wee Eilidh …

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… and some goldeneye action to cover up my stained eyelids.  Stained from the MAC Chromaline we were using as a base for the bright eyeshadow in Asian bridal.  Oh, so pink and fabulous (until you try to wash it off – so, perfect for the long-wear you’d want on your wedding day!)

goldeneye

Graftobian cosmetic powdered metal (copper) and Graftobian Magic Set Mixing & Lining Liquid.

I don’t have any of my own to experiment with yet, but I suspect the Magic Set might rival Illamasqua sealing gel. It’s the same kind of thing – a setting liquid that you mix with powder to create an opaque, fast drying and long-lasting paint… only Graftobian’s is a fraction of the price.

Oh speaking of bargains, Crownbrush UK will be having a 20% off sale probably within the next couple of days (once they reach 20,000 ‘likes’ on Facebook).  I use a lot of their brushes – they’re good and dirt cheap.  Get in.  You don’t need to spend heaps on brushes; if you use them a lot therefore clean them a lot, they’re going to lose hair regardless, so you may as well get cheaper ones cos they’re going to need replacing anyway.  And I honestly don’t notice a difference in quality with most of my cheap brushes up against, say, MAC ones I’ve paid a fortune for.

It’s just unnecessary.  Get cheap brushes and spend what you’ve saved on regular facials; no brush or foundation for that matter is going to make a lick of difference if you face has the texture of a house brick.

Bed time, flogstars.  Here’s Harry Belafonte to sing you to sleep.

it’s not all tits and smiles

23 Oct

Sometimes, when you go unprepared into something, with a barely thought-through idea that was shit to begin with, the result can be disappointing.  That’s another way of saying I had no idea what I was doing today, this first Titty Tuesday, and it went… tits up.

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My gracious sister Chloe accompanied me in to college to be my bodypainting model, ever good-natured and generous with her time.

I was going to paint Chloe as a mermaid, or in a military uniform with a cute hat, and pockets glued over her baps and epaulettes stuck on her shoulders.  I was also going to make her look like the Venus de Milo (but with arms), or Superman or Xena (but both of those were already taken).  We talked about what I was going to paint her as A LOT in the lead up to this, yet none of the ideas actually stuck.  It was all just a bit all over the place.

So I had no idea what I was going to do, and going in to class today, I felt incapable, disorganised, out of my depth… and all over the place.

startled cat gif

First up we gave the mermaid idea a whirl, which was such a HUGE flop I can’t bring myself to show you photos of it.  Ugh.  We LOL’d, Chloe wiped it all off (see pic above), and I started again on the back-up plan – TIGER!

That came together alright, but not before the tutor pointed out that my ideas were wishy-washy, disorganised and disconnected, I hadn’t done my homework, and I was obviously taking the easy option and staying well within my comfort zone by doing bodypainting that was essentially an extension of the same ole face-painting I’ve done a billion zillion times.

Green tiger for St Patrick's day

Green tiger for St Patrick’s day

All of which was true, but still dented my massive yet fragile ego, which was particularly fragile in light of the failed mermaid attempt.  AND on Monday afternoon I also didn’t like my work in Basic Makeup, it just… wouldn’t do what I wanted it to do.  My confidence was in the shitter.  It all got on top of me, friends.  For the first time since starting the course, this week I felt like I was just too crap at this to even try any more, and would never have a decent creative idea again as long as I live.

If I can’t even blend two eyeshadows together, how will I ever get by in a world filled with “self taught!  This isn’t my job, I just do it for fun!” makeup artists who are so insanely talented it makes me want to vomit?  Boo hoo.

So I pouted and felt sorry for myself and whinged to my nearest and dearest about my insecurities, and was reminded that (a) I’m learning, and not supposed to be good at bodypainting the first time I try it, (b) Max Factor himself probably can’t paint tits for shit (thanks Loz) and (c) it’ll pass, everyone has crap days.

alice tears

If you’re having an un-creative slump yourself, read this and you, too, will get over it.  Lesson learned: be organised and focussed, it will make you feel confident and the rest will fall into place.

Moving on, I had a go at the tiger bodypainting which I also wasn’t happy with, but it wasn’t a total fuck-up either.  When I do it for realsies, for the assessment in a couple of weeks, I’ll have honed my technique and I think it should come up alright.

It will obviously be, uh, finished on the day of the assessment.  Ie her face will be painted, her hair will be done, the photo submitted will be all styled and shit.

It will obviously be, uh, finished on the day of the assessment. Ie her face will be painted, her hair will be done, the photo submitted will be all styled and shit.

close up of brushwork/stippling.  LOL.  Rhymes with nippling.

close up of brushwork/stippling. LOL. Rhymes with nippling.

After “Advanced Makeup Techniques”, Chloe stuck around for the afternoon class (Basic Makeup) where we were practicing basic bridal makeup.

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marry me, darling

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I decided to temporarily relocate Chloe’s lip-line half way down her chin, just for fun.

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Hope you like our Wayne’s World style product placement there.

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*bridesmaid face*

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HOW does she, my own sister, have such a nice profile, while I look like a geriatric man who’s had a penis transplanted onto his face after losing his nose in a freak accident that also left him with a pronounced underbite? HUH?

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So that’s what’s all happening up in here, flogstars.

What’s today’s video, you ask?  A Tits-Oot Tuesday post wouldn’t be complete without a nod to the Queen of Dollywood herself.  Wanna see Dolly Parton honking at her own magnificent rack and hollerin’ “hey Miley, I’ve got your wreckin’ balls right here!”?  ‘Course you do.  So watch this, it’s Dolly ‘rapping’ on Queen Latifah’s talk show.  Yes, you read that right.  You’re welcome.

baps oot Tuesday!

21 Oct

Chloe is coming in to college with me tomorrow, to be my bodypainting model.

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hands up if you’re not that stupid!

Not sure what I’m going to do on her yet.

my muse

my muse

“Xena.  Make me Xena, Warrior Princess.  Or whatever you think you can do.”

I don't think so.

I don’t think so.

I was thinking more Garfield.

garfield

Wish me luck, flogstars.  I have three weeks for this – well, two weeks of practice, and then the assessment!  Pics to follow (if Chloe lets me).

gettin’ wiggy with it

6 Oct

That Will Smith song has been in my head for days, and now we must all suffer.  Let’s get it out the way at the beginning of the post so we can put it behind us, move on and never speak of it again.

 

So Thursday was a big day – a visit from the one and only Carissa (remember when I painted her boobs green?) in town for one night only, and two magnificent reasons.  Firstly, to model for my first wig assessment – and oh boy, model she did.  That girl knows how to throw a pose.

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me emptying a can of hairspray onto her dome to hold everything in place

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Carissa’s hair wrapped, pin-curled and sprayed, ready for the sexy head-sock

me looking a normal height for once

me looking a normal height for once

backstage madness

backstage madness

even more backstage madness

even more backstage madness

…and here are some of the snaps from our library photoshoot.  What you can’t hear is the tapping on the glass and wolf-whistling from the big group of lads sitting outside the library.  They were quite overwhelmed.

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Tutor Janet seemed happy with the way they turned out, so once they’re edited etc I’m pretty sure they’ll be good enough for assessment.

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Carissa’s hair once the pincurls were taken out, heehee

So then we went out to celebrate at the Cathouse (I’m not proud), with our Finnish friends Reckless Love.  We turned up at the venue at about 9pm to find them coming back out on stage for their encore.  The whole thing was over by 9:30pm.  Can you believe it?

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We had fun even though we missed probably more than half the show.  Oh well.

In other news, I earned and spent my first Amazon voucher from doing online surveys.  Guilt free shopping cos technically it’s free!  Win!  Amongst other essentials (I got a copy of Aerosmith’s Pump for 1p!) I procured some Halloween accessories, black-out contacts and vampire fangs.  I don’t actually have any costume ideas, but it’s good to be prepared.  Not that I’ve been invited to any Halloween parties or anything… but it’s good to be prepared.   I’ll have to work out how to attach the fangs better… couldn’t get the dental adhesive to work properly, and it coated my mouth with its nastiness.  Bleugh.

black contacts

Give us a kiss.

Give us a kiss.

Speaking of Aerosmith’s Pump album, here they are with Love in an Elevator.  Two songs in one flog post?  I break all the rules.

 

Happy Monday, flogstars! Xx

back to the beginning

27 Sep

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The reason I have opened today’s post with an old photo of Bon Scott smiling through the agony of a badly infected testicle that you can practically hear straining against the seam of those skin-tight grey jeans is…. sorry, I’ve completely lost my train of thought.

well hello

well hello

Oh yeah.  Something to do with an idea I had for one of my wig assessments.  Any man out there willing to let me apply mascara to his chest hair to achieve the look?  Get in touch via my contact page.  I’ll make you look cool, promise.

This being-in-a-new-city-and-not-knowing-many-locals-well-enough-to-ask-if-they’ll-let-me-paint-their-bare-bodies situation is going to quickly become a problem for me at college.  All I ever had to do in Oban was pull a ‘having a creative idea’ face and BAM, everyone’s volunteering to get naked, painted and photographed.  Where are you, Glasgow exhibitionists?

Perhaps I should be careful what I wish for.  Remember what happened when I put an ad on Gumtree looking for a flat-share?  Yeah.

Anyhoo.  Here are some other rock-god chests I wouldn’t mind painting, since I’m feeling particularly self indulgent today.

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Reckless Love, who I shall be seeing next Thursday with Carissa – we are returning to the scene of last year’s crime…

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Jettblack. When you google images of them, two pictures of me come up, which pleases me immensely. Lick lick.

Alright, that’s enough of that.  We’ve got a lot to cover today.

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Autumn’s here.  Next week it will be October.  I’m a little shit-scared of how fast time is galloping by.

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I feel both settled and still very new in Glasgow.  The very first time I arrived here in March 2008, I had a budget of £15 per day – £2 for food (Subway 6-inch of the day), £13 for my hostel bed which included breakfast, and dinner was a row of chocolate from the enormous stockpile I had bought in Belgium.

There is something about having absolutely no money that is kind of liberating.  I mean, it fucking sucks, but it simplifies things.  I walked and walked and walked around, day and night.  I ‘saved’ all the free museums and art galleries for shit-weather days, and just walked the rest of the time.  I would sleep in until right before free breakfast ended, so I wouldn’t be awake for too long burning calories and getting hungry.  Late at night I would sit in my bunk writing, watching the others in my 14-bed dorm, wishing I was travelling with a big group of friends like they all seemed to be, wishing I knew where to go and what to do.

Everyone I spoke to raved about Edinburgh.  Nobody seemed to think that Glasgow was up to much.  I didn’t necessarily agree but after nearly 2 weeks walking and walking and walking around, I thought I could probably justify forking out for a bus to Edinburgh to see what all the fuss was about.  There began a chain of events that lead me to running the backpackers’ hostel in Oban for 5 years, but that’s another story for another time.

What I didn’t immediately realise was that I’d developed quite a good relationship with Glasgow in this formative period of my early backpacking days.  I didn’t have a head full of shit about how dangerous Glasgow was, so it didn’t occur to me to feel unsafe cruising the mean streets on my own in the middle of the night.  I think I have always been reasonably sensible so I wasn’t going anywhere actually dodgy at night, but in retrospect I think the whole experience would have been different, and ruined, if I had been scared.

Instead, I felt Glasgow’s friendliness, I felt like it was a good place to be if you weren’t from here.  People heard my accent and were interested.  I was a young woman travelling alone so people went out of their way to make sure I was ok.  I got invited into people’s homes for cups of tea and to look in their old family photo albums.  They wrote down their addresses so I could send them postcards from wherever I went next.  No one stabbed me, and I was never even offered heroin.

Glasgow is my Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.  Glasgow is my hooker with a heart of gold, my rough diamond.  Glasgow’s reputation might not be the best, but you have to cop a feel for yourself, make your own mind up.

And do you think I can get the effing gif of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in The Diamond Necklace Scene to work?  Gah!

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Anyway, here I am again, back where I first started my Scottish adventure five and a half years ago.  My budget is about the same again, but the new job I start tomorrow will hopefully have LOTS of overtime and put an end to all this being-broke bullshit.  It’s really cramping my style.

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Are you still reading?  Good for you.  This week at college!

Kim Kardashian-style kontouring!

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Saoirse kontoured to within an inch of her life

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and just to think, most people try to get their makeup to match their skin tone and NOT leave a streaky brown tide mark around their jaw.

Wig work!

Ashleigh rocking the 90s-kids-TV-presenter look

Ashleigh rocking the 90s-kids-TV-presenter look

She would have been the coolest girl at my high school in 1998

She would have been the coolest girl at my high school in 1998

not pubes, just another wig sitting in front of the mirror

not pubes, just another wig sitting in front of the mirror

… and posing, bitches.

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So here’s AC/DC with their 1980 hit, You Shook Me All Night Long, because it’s Friday.  I know this flog has attracted the attention of many classic rock puritans internationally who are going to light up the whole internet with bitter posts about how you can’t have a photo of Bon Scott’s crotch one minute, and be signing off with a Brian Johnson hit the next, but all I can say is bite me.  Also, AC/DC are Australian*.  Ha!

Happy Friday, lovers Xx

*No one in Scotland likes hearing this truth.

the results are in

18 Sep

I strongly dislike airbrushing.  It’s frustrating.  The guns we use at college aren’t the best, and it’s impossible to clean them properly.  That, and our class is 20-odd chicas, so we all have to share.  Everything.  All the time.  There’s one of each thing we need, and 20 people wanting to use it at the same time.  Gah!

I just... don't like sharing.

I just… don’t like sharing.

And as previously mentioned, the makeup itself is minging.  It has turned my skin to that of a 14 year old boy, yet when it’s on my face, sinking into my pores and wrinkles and looking like a thick hideous mask, that ugly crap somehow manages to make me look 100 years old.  Bah!

Anyway, that’s today’s makeup bitch.  Airbrushing will come in handy when it’s body-paintin’ time…

stencil time

stencilicious

…I just don’t like it on my face.  And college is awesome, in fact, and we only have to do airbrushing for another couple of weeks before we move on to other stuff.

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ermagherd

And even though there are more people than required materials in the class, mostly everyone’s mostly cool.  The tutors are all great, and it’s nice to sit in a classroom without wishing your time away.

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I pay so much attention.

So this week, apart from hating on airbrush guns, we’ve been doing normal basic makeup/foundation…

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makeup is gross

makeup is gross

….and we also continued with studio portraits for our portfolio production.  Here are some behind the scenes shots for your enjoyment:

my view

my view

their view
their view
then we got fancy AND schmancy with the lighting

then we got fancy AND schmancy with the lighting

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snap.

snap.

So that’s what’s going oooon, dear reader.  Tomorrow, computer class in the a.m. and WIG-WORK in the afternoon!  Couldn’t you just die?

Here’s Def Leppard with their 1983 (a very good year) single, Photograph.  From Pyromania, back when Rick had both arms.  It’s not my favourite DL song, but it’s not my least favourite either – and it’s topical, so bloody well listen to it, alright?  😉

 

x Imo

is this real life?

12 Sep
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also, how BUFF is my arm? That’s my left arm, too.

Here I am at college, looking pensively out the window, wishing they’d fucking give us some notice for the days we’re having our photo taken so I’d know to spend a bit of time on my hair and makeup.

I’m also reflecting on poor old Miley Cyrus’s makeup in her latest music video – is it MEANT to look terrible?  As if it was hastily applied by someone who had never used liquid liner before?  As if the makeup artist had none of her kit with her that day, and so had to borrow stuff from someone who doesn’t really have any makeup, except for this old mascara sample and lip crayon that came free with a magazine 8 years ago and has been sitting untouched in a desk drawer ever since?

If so, job done, but it still bothers me.  More than her bare arse on that demolition ball.  You don’t want dust there.

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Anyway, enough about Miley, this is imogenmaxwell.com after all.

3 weeks into my course and I can still scarcely believe that Googling pictures of David Bowie and making scrapbooks of makeup pictures is now, officially, what I do.  No longer a slightly eccentric indulgence furtively carried out behind closed doors.  A legitimate passtime.  Positively reinforced by tutors who recognise my ability to Google pictures of David Bowie with unbroken focus for hours on end as sure signs of passion and commitment.

I am in actual heaven.

bowie gif 4 bowie gif 1 bowie gif 2 bowie gif 3

Anyway.  What did I do apart from go Bowie-gif-crazy this week, you ask?  Why, more airbrushing, of course.  I only just realised that the eyeshadow, below, I did on Sinead is a little bit inspired by David’s, above.  Interesting.  STOP TALKING ABOUT DAVID BOWIE IMOGEN, NO ONE ELSE CARES.

my patient model Sinead

my patient model Sinead

Airbrushing is a messy little bastard, if you’ve never had the pleasure.  My own jury is still out on the whole business; I mean, I know I’ve only had two shots at it, but I can’t really see the point so far.  It’s messy, it smells weird, you look like a newsreader with it on, it doesn’t come off, it takes longer than normal makeup, and cleaning the gun is a real pain in the can.

see?  MESSY!

see? MESSY!

splotches everywhere from the damn gun spitting!  Ffffffuck!

splotches everywhere from the damn gun spitting! Ffffffuck!

the look now complete with Aunt Sally pink blush

the look now complete with Aunt Sally pink blush

We also did face charts, which is colouring in, but less fun because you’re doing it with makeup that doesn’t stick to paper (if it’s powder) or doesn’t blend properly (if it’s cream).  But kind of cool anyway.  Here’s my first one:

show us yer cheekbones

show us yer cheekbones

So that’s what’s all going on at college, y’all.

Bet you’re wondering what song will accompany today’s flog post.  David Bowie?  Not today.  Not even the Misfits even though I’m wearing my Misfits top in my window portrait up top there.  No, not the Misfits.  Don’t worry, not Miley either.  How about some Korn because it’s a cool video and they’re about to release a new album for the first time in ______ years?

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