Tag Archives: wigs

mature?

25 Nov

I’ve been called worse.

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You’ll be miffed to hear that in the beauty industry, this most evil of machines whirring away to sell us our own insecurities, a lady is classed as “mature” once she’s 27.  LOL!

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As such, throughout this flog post, the word “mature” will be appearing in sarcastic quotey marks.

“Mature” makeup is one of the looks we cover in basic makeup (along with basic bridal, Asian bridal, basic female and male makeup, and evening makeup).  As with any makeup you’re doing on anyone, you start by (gasp) asking your client/model/Chloe what they want, what they usually wear, what kind of look they’re going for etc etc.  Then you moisturise their mug and get busy.

Tutor Caroline did the demonstration on the lovely, remarkably good-skinned Mum-of-Rachel, Elaine.

like mother, like daughter -  gorgeous!

like mother, like daughter – gorgeous!

So what’s different about makeup on the more “mature” skin, then?

Basically, matte powders – rather than shimmery cremes – are more flattering around the eye area as they sink less obviously into fine lines.  Also, you apply all the makeup about an inch higher than you would on an “immature” face, so that when the skin is relaxed (ie not being stretched hither and thither for the makeup artist to be grinding their powders and potions in), it’s where you want it.  On a less-elastic lid, for example, your lovely liner might disappear under a fold of skin when your model’s eye doesn’t have your finger propping it open.

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owww

And that’s basically it.

Angela (27) and I did our “mature” assessments on each other’s dewy skinned faces.

Nubile as.

Nubile as.

So that’s that, kittycats.  Here are some other “mature” faces for you to admire before tonight’s singalong.

Dame Edna Everage: Australian superhero

Dame Edna Everage: Australian superhero

My bosom buddy, my wig hero, Dolly Parton I LOVE YOU

My bosom buddy, my wig hero, Dolly Parton I LOVE YOU

And now, a song.  Here’s someone’s hillwalking video I weirdly stole from YouTube.  Soundtrack is In a Big Country, by our friends… Big Country.  Band and scenery are Scottish.

 

Until next time Xx

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baby you’re a firework

5 Nov
me for vendetta

me for vendetta

Happy bonfire night, flogstars.  Hope you’re not scared of fireworks.

be cool, be cool

be cool, be cool

Today is my bodypainting assessment; I’m as prepared as I can be, and ready for ACTION!

what my tiger bodypainting will not look like

what my tiger bodypainting will not look like

 

WTF?  They're cheap red pointy false nails, blue-tacked on to the end of makeup brushes, so I could paint them black.  They will be Chloe's claws.

WTF? They’re cheap red pointy false nails, blue-tacked on to the end of makeup brushes, so I could paint them black. They will be Chloe’s claws.

Here are some more halloween photos from the weekend to tide you over until I have new material.  These are just pub randoms, not my work.

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Alright, night night now.  Big day tomorrow… IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!  So here’s Motorhead to sing you to sleep, which they won’t be doing in Glasgow in November because the tour’s been postponed.  Gah.  That’s THREE TIMES now that I’ve NOT seen Motorhead.  Anyway, sweet dreams.

 

boo!

31 Oct

Hey hey flogstars, happy halloween.

Today was the final day for wig assessments, and while I had already completed both of mine, my services as a short-haired model were required.  Today I was Freyja’s model, and she turned me into a haunted Alice in Wonderland.  I don’t have copies of the pics from the college camera (yet) but here are a few from my phone.

sans wig

sans wig

a wee cheeky green one with halloween stickers, because why not

a wee cheeky green one with halloween stickers, because why not

completed look

completed look

with the pin curls taken out

with the pin curls taken out

bus home.  There are no other passengers BECAUSE I ATE THEM ALL!!!

bus home. There are no other passengers BECAUSE I ATE THEM ALL!!!

and now I'm sitting in the kitchen writing this flog post.  Not taking my makeup off, no sir.

and now I’m sitting in the kitchen writing this flog post. Not taking my makeup off, no sir.

 

The contacts are “Berzerker” from MesmerEyez.

So here’s 80s German power-metallers Helloween, with I Want Out.  Parental Advisory: Contains exactly as many fluffy blond Euro-mullets, denim jackets, leather, skin tight jeans that show EVERYTHING, and dodgy special effects as you would expect from a video endorsed on imogenmaxwell.com

Happy tricking and treating, ghouls.  Xx

revenge of the nerds

25 Oct

starring me.

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Oh hi flogstars.  This week I was the model for two of the Belfast Babes’ wig assessments.

Here’s wee Saoirse (hi, Saoirse’s Mummy!  I can totally spell your daughter’s name without looking, now.  Hope you have a nice weekend!) making me in to a geek:

no mullets were harmed in the application of this wig

no mullets were harmed in the application of this wig

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my view

my view

Saoirse's view

Saoirse’s view

braces weren't really designed with the larger-busted lady in mind, but I did my best to work it

braces weren’t really designed with the larger-busted lady in mind, but I did my best to work it

And then it was Sinéad’s turn:

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Terrified Mum’s going to see these and march over here all the way from Australia to slap the cigarette out of my paw

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I’m going to sneak in a wee mid-post video for you, flogstars, cos it’s Friday and I feel like we all deserve a treat.  It’s the legendary burping contest at the end of Revenge of the Nerds.  Youtube won’t let me embed this one for some gimpy reason, but I highly recommend you click through and watch it.  I used to have that burp as my answering machine message.  Classy lassy right here.

The LOL-fest continued at home with the Mhairis (yes, 2/3 of my housemates are called Mhairi).  Inspired by some Promise Tamang videos I’d made them watch last night, the brown powder eyeshadow and brown eyeliner came out and we bearded up.

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Mhairi doesn't normally wear a towel-cape and plastic bag on her head; it's a hairdye thing

Mhairi doesn’t normally wear a towel-cape and plastic bag on her head; it’s a hairdye thing

beard LOLz

beard LOLz

you would, admit it

you would, admit it

It was decided that I looked like somebody’s hot visiting Eurotrash cousin, or a surfer dude from Home and Away, or Gannicus from Spartacus (who is Australian actor Dustin Clare, who was on Home and Away apparently, so once again we’ve come full circle).

Starz Contents

Yeah, I can live with that comparison

gannicus 2

mmmm

Starz Contents

I love you too, Gannicus

Before we go on, can I just say that I have only ever seen a fraction of one episode of Spartacus, and only because Chloe was basically making me and one of the Mhairis watch it.  It’s dismal beyond description, but I really did enjoy making fun of it.

Moving on, Mhairi then compared me to the angel from Barbarella:

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The angel was not very happy to be compared to beardy me, and while I am flattered that my facial hair brought to mind the overall impression of a bronzed, buff god, I’m not loving his special-ed fringe. Not at all.

Right you lot, it’s after midnight and I’m sitting in the kitchen Googling “collective noun for bronzed buff gods” – still with my beard on.  This madness must come to an end.

Speaking of beards.  Watch this magical video from Beardyman, a beatboxing legend (stay with me) recording and looping his own voice to build up a pretty incredible rendition of Massive Attack’s Tear Drop.

Bon weekend, baby birds.
Xx Imo

das Wochenende

19 Oct

Today’s post is about two German things.  One of them is Agi, the other is the Glasgow Oktoberfest.

remember when I went to Germany in May?  https://imogenmaxwell.com/2013/05/10/life-is-a-biergarten/

remember when I went to Germany in May?

First things first.

On Thursday I partied with these sexy mofos up in Oban.

United nations.

United nations.

It was also attempt #2 at my second wig assessment with Agi as my model.  Regular readers will remember LAST Thursday’s disaster when the assessment during class time had to be abandonned.  It went much better this time around!

Here’s the step-by-step in pictures.

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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I used… Ben Nye eyeshadows in Green As Fuck and Golden Shower (not real eyeshadow names, I just can’t be bothered going to check) mixed with Illamasqua sealing gel.  The black outline is a Barry M liquid liner, the white is that white cream makeup I’ve mentioned a million times.  I don’t think it has a brand.  Get on eBay and search for “white cream makeup”, the one I use looks like this:

white cream makeup

… but I think they’re all pretty similar.  What is not similar is the price.  If you buy that ish in a costume shop, you’re looking at about £12.  Online it’s £1.75.  Sorry local business, but I just can’t.  When I start earning proper money I will support you again, but for now, it’s online all the way.

Anyway, the foundation is Illamasqua Rich Liquid and the blush is a MAC Mineralize one that I am quite fond of.  The wig is a cheapy from eBay as well.  It’s actually got a long side-fringe but it was pinned out the way to show the anime eyes.

Hopefully this will fly with the college.  They weren’t too in love with the idea of me doing the assessment not-at-college, but you know me, flogstars.  I like to just go for it anyway.

So that was Thursday.  On Friday Chloe and I returned to Glasgow, I quickly threw on my dirndl and we were out the door sharpish for the Glasgow Oktoberfest with a handful of our other pals from Oban.

"Squeezy" Lou and Chloe

“Squeezy” Lou and Chloe

As a beer-festival expert, I noticed a few things about Scotland’s attempt at this greatest of all occasions that were a bit… different to how they do it in Germany.  Firstly, PLASTIC mass glasses and wine carafes.  PLASTIC!  And there were also two security guards and one cop per person.  I suppose both of these details are a necessary evil in these parts.

It was only £2.50 to get in to the beer tent (good) and there wasn’t any allocated seating (also good, although if it had been full it would have been a problem).

The two biggest heartbreaks were the beer and the food.  We had tickets for a meal and ordering it was quite the comedy of errors.  After the third delivery of wrong food, the waiter actually had a tantrum and walked off.  I had to chase after him and dry his tears and coax him into doing his damn job properly.  Lucky I am so persuasive.  This was at about 7pm, when the tent was still half empty and everyone was still sober.  That little bitch would have had one of the longest nights of his life if he couldn’t cope with our table.

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The one on the right is either a plate of sauce or sauerkraut mixed with mashed potato (two of the things we didn’t order but received anyway)

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No.

My problem with the beer is also two-part; the fact that it was MID-STRENGTH, and also £8.50 for a big one – which wasn’t even a litre!  You should see the look on my face as I am typing this.  Chloe and I had one ‘mass’ each and realised that we could sit there drinking that watered down, not-even-German shit all night and walk out of there not even the tinest bit wobbly.

I panicked and bought two bottles of wine, hoping that it, at least, would have alcohol in it.  I was disappointed, of course, as they had watered it down too.  WITH WATER.  I wish I was joking.  And I know what you must be thinking; pissed bitch yells at bar staff because she is so drunk she can’t taste the alcohol in her beverage.  No, dear reader.  I was as sober as a judge, and so was Chloe.

We had started to lose our sense of humour at this stage.  We had paid good money – far too much good money – for this watered-down crap, so good ole Chlo went and complained to the arse behind the bar and made him open two new bottles and tip them into a carafe in front of us.  Ha.

my hero

my hero

I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.

I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.

But time travel hasn't been invented yet.

But time travel hasn’t been invented yet.

Stop, stop, stop, you don't have to drink the whole thing!

Stop, stop, stop, you don’t have to drink the whole thing!

And another thing.  Wearing a dirndl has never before put me at a disadvantage…

vince-vaughn-motorboat-1

… but at Glasgow’s Oktoberfest, it was a huge mistake – everybody thought I worked there.  Worse, because my dirndl was different to the actual staff (mine was blue and covers my ass, theirs were pink and didn’t) I was mistaken for some sort of authority figure, so people were coming to me with their problems all night.  “Where’s our food”, “we ordered 6 beers but only got 5”, etc etc etc.  Gah!

Jenny gets the money shot

Jenny gets the money shot

So, for any of you thinking of attending the Glasgow Green Oktoberfest this or next weekend, here are my hints.  Arrive drunk, and find or win a lot of money that you don’t mind wasting on non-alcoholic beer and wine before you go.  Also, don’t be awesome and wear a dirndl, and wear wellington boots because they erected the tent on a bog.

Oh, and don’t use the Groupon £15 for two tickets offer – it’s the worst value for money ever.  The allocated seating doesn’t exist, you only get a half-pint of MID-STRENGTH beer, you have no choice with the food they give you (which is two nasty little Farmfoods sausages on a plate of chips) and all that shit bought separately would come in cheaper.

Humph.  I’m all annoyed now.  I am actually most pissed off with myself for panic-drinking that wine.  A huge rip off that ended the night early.  What a waste!  Oh well, there will be plenty more opportunities to unleash my inner German beast.

Until such a time, here’s Scorpions.  They’re German, and awesome.

xX happy Saturday, tiny dancers

gettin’ wiggy with it

6 Oct

That Will Smith song has been in my head for days, and now we must all suffer.  Let’s get it out the way at the beginning of the post so we can put it behind us, move on and never speak of it again.

 

So Thursday was a big day – a visit from the one and only Carissa (remember when I painted her boobs green?) in town for one night only, and two magnificent reasons.  Firstly, to model for my first wig assessment – and oh boy, model she did.  That girl knows how to throw a pose.

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me emptying a can of hairspray onto her dome to hold everything in place

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Carissa’s hair wrapped, pin-curled and sprayed, ready for the sexy head-sock

me looking a normal height for once

me looking a normal height for once

backstage madness

backstage madness

even more backstage madness

even more backstage madness

…and here are some of the snaps from our library photoshoot.  What you can’t hear is the tapping on the glass and wolf-whistling from the big group of lads sitting outside the library.  They were quite overwhelmed.

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Tutor Janet seemed happy with the way they turned out, so once they’re edited etc I’m pretty sure they’ll be good enough for assessment.

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Carissa’s hair once the pincurls were taken out, heehee

So then we went out to celebrate at the Cathouse (I’m not proud), with our Finnish friends Reckless Love.  We turned up at the venue at about 9pm to find them coming back out on stage for their encore.  The whole thing was over by 9:30pm.  Can you believe it?

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We had fun even though we missed probably more than half the show.  Oh well.

In other news, I earned and spent my first Amazon voucher from doing online surveys.  Guilt free shopping cos technically it’s free!  Win!  Amongst other essentials (I got a copy of Aerosmith’s Pump for 1p!) I procured some Halloween accessories, black-out contacts and vampire fangs.  I don’t actually have any costume ideas, but it’s good to be prepared.  Not that I’ve been invited to any Halloween parties or anything… but it’s good to be prepared.   I’ll have to work out how to attach the fangs better… couldn’t get the dental adhesive to work properly, and it coated my mouth with its nastiness.  Bleugh.

black contacts

Give us a kiss.

Give us a kiss.

Speaking of Aerosmith’s Pump album, here they are with Love in an Elevator.  Two songs in one flog post?  I break all the rules.

 

Happy Monday, flogstars! Xx

imminent wig assessment

2 Oct

My original concept was actually quite demure.  It was inspired by a steel-grey bob wig, possibly the most unsexual thing you might imagine.  When Sinead tried it on,  teamed with her catseye glasses it somehow came alive and my idea was born; I’d use her as my model for my first wig assessment, headmistress-inspired shoot in the library, keep the makeup very simple, have her holding a book and a coffee mug, take a nice classy photo and be done with it.

I pitched this idea to my tutor and within moments it had escalated to something rather more hardcore, including a suggestion that perhaps we could (and I quote) ‘lure a young man in from the corridor’ and get a photo of him bent over Sinead’s knee while she wields a ruler ‘or other spanking device such as a hardcover book’ about his rear end.  Well I never!

hopefully not.

hopefully not.

The idea has (d)evolved further and now bears absolutely no resemblance to its original form.  Even the wig may be different.  Carissa is now my model.  I just had to message Chloe asking where the skin-tight pink power suit is (in the same bag as the Boy George shirt and the kimono).  Things have taken a sharp turn towards… sexy secretary who just happens to be in the library.

Miss_Moneypenny_by_Lois_Maxwell

“Amateurs.”

So that’s all happening tomorrow.  After the wigwork, Carissa and I will be heading out on the town, off to rock you like a hurricane, Glasgow.  Only one more decision to make today – do I wear the gold foil leopard print trousers, the blue foil snakeskin, the pink leopards, or the green snakeskin?

Here’s Reckless Love to ring in the weekend early, relevant because that’s who Carissa and I are seeing tomorrow, and because there’s some rather spectacular wigwork in this video.  Enjoy, and happy weekend lovers!

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