Tag Archives: celebration

das Wochenende

19 Oct

Today’s post is about two German things.  One of them is Agi, the other is the Glasgow Oktoberfest.

remember when I went to Germany in May?  https://imogenmaxwell.com/2013/05/10/life-is-a-biergarten/

remember when I went to Germany in May?

First things first.

On Thursday I partied with these sexy mofos up in Oban.

United nations.

United nations.

It was also attempt #2 at my second wig assessment with Agi as my model.  Regular readers will remember LAST Thursday’s disaster when the assessment during class time had to be abandonned.  It went much better this time around!

Here’s the step-by-step in pictures.

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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I used… Ben Nye eyeshadows in Green As Fuck and Golden Shower (not real eyeshadow names, I just can’t be bothered going to check) mixed with Illamasqua sealing gel.  The black outline is a Barry M liquid liner, the white is that white cream makeup I’ve mentioned a million times.  I don’t think it has a brand.  Get on eBay and search for “white cream makeup”, the one I use looks like this:

white cream makeup

… but I think they’re all pretty similar.  What is not similar is the price.  If you buy that ish in a costume shop, you’re looking at about £12.  Online it’s £1.75.  Sorry local business, but I just can’t.  When I start earning proper money I will support you again, but for now, it’s online all the way.

Anyway, the foundation is Illamasqua Rich Liquid and the blush is a MAC Mineralize one that I am quite fond of.  The wig is a cheapy from eBay as well.  It’s actually got a long side-fringe but it was pinned out the way to show the anime eyes.

Hopefully this will fly with the college.  They weren’t too in love with the idea of me doing the assessment not-at-college, but you know me, flogstars.  I like to just go for it anyway.

So that was Thursday.  On Friday Chloe and I returned to Glasgow, I quickly threw on my dirndl and we were out the door sharpish for the Glasgow Oktoberfest with a handful of our other pals from Oban.

"Squeezy" Lou and Chloe

“Squeezy” Lou and Chloe

As a beer-festival expert, I noticed a few things about Scotland’s attempt at this greatest of all occasions that were a bit… different to how they do it in Germany.  Firstly, PLASTIC mass glasses and wine carafes.  PLASTIC!  And there were also two security guards and one cop per person.  I suppose both of these details are a necessary evil in these parts.

It was only £2.50 to get in to the beer tent (good) and there wasn’t any allocated seating (also good, although if it had been full it would have been a problem).

The two biggest heartbreaks were the beer and the food.  We had tickets for a meal and ordering it was quite the comedy of errors.  After the third delivery of wrong food, the waiter actually had a tantrum and walked off.  I had to chase after him and dry his tears and coax him into doing his damn job properly.  Lucky I am so persuasive.  This was at about 7pm, when the tent was still half empty and everyone was still sober.  That little bitch would have had one of the longest nights of his life if he couldn’t cope with our table.

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The one on the right is either a plate of sauce or sauerkraut mixed with mashed potato (two of the things we didn’t order but received anyway)

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No.

My problem with the beer is also two-part; the fact that it was MID-STRENGTH, and also £8.50 for a big one – which wasn’t even a litre!  You should see the look on my face as I am typing this.  Chloe and I had one ‘mass’ each and realised that we could sit there drinking that watered down, not-even-German shit all night and walk out of there not even the tinest bit wobbly.

I panicked and bought two bottles of wine, hoping that it, at least, would have alcohol in it.  I was disappointed, of course, as they had watered it down too.  WITH WATER.  I wish I was joking.  And I know what you must be thinking; pissed bitch yells at bar staff because she is so drunk she can’t taste the alcohol in her beverage.  No, dear reader.  I was as sober as a judge, and so was Chloe.

We had started to lose our sense of humour at this stage.  We had paid good money – far too much good money – for this watered-down crap, so good ole Chlo went and complained to the arse behind the bar and made him open two new bottles and tip them into a carafe in front of us.  Ha.

my hero

my hero

I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.

I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.

But time travel hasn't been invented yet.

But time travel hasn’t been invented yet.

Stop, stop, stop, you don't have to drink the whole thing!

Stop, stop, stop, you don’t have to drink the whole thing!

And another thing.  Wearing a dirndl has never before put me at a disadvantage…

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… but at Glasgow’s Oktoberfest, it was a huge mistake – everybody thought I worked there.  Worse, because my dirndl was different to the actual staff (mine was blue and covers my ass, theirs were pink and didn’t) I was mistaken for some sort of authority figure, so people were coming to me with their problems all night.  “Where’s our food”, “we ordered 6 beers but only got 5”, etc etc etc.  Gah!

Jenny gets the money shot

Jenny gets the money shot

So, for any of you thinking of attending the Glasgow Green Oktoberfest this or next weekend, here are my hints.  Arrive drunk, and find or win a lot of money that you don’t mind wasting on non-alcoholic beer and wine before you go.  Also, don’t be awesome and wear a dirndl, and wear wellington boots because they erected the tent on a bog.

Oh, and don’t use the Groupon £15 for two tickets offer – it’s the worst value for money ever.  The allocated seating doesn’t exist, you only get a half-pint of MID-STRENGTH beer, you have no choice with the food they give you (which is two nasty little Farmfoods sausages on a plate of chips) and all that shit bought separately would come in cheaper.

Humph.  I’m all annoyed now.  I am actually most pissed off with myself for panic-drinking that wine.  A huge rip off that ended the night early.  What a waste!  Oh well, there will be plenty more opportunities to unleash my inner German beast.

Until such a time, here’s Scorpions.  They’re German, and awesome.

xX happy Saturday, tiny dancers

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a celebration

16 Oct

Today at imogenmaxwell.com, we’re celebrating one year, one hundred posts and almost ten thousand views.  To commemorate, I thought we’d go over a few of the highs and lows we’ve been through to get here.  Well, highs really, we don’t really DO lows at imogenmaxwell.com.

My site stats reveal some interesting, if completely unsurprising things about you all.

The most popular search engine terms that lead people to this, the greatest flog in all the land, are as follows:

  • Imogen Maxwell (who is googling me and why, is what I want to know)
  • Cutepolish face (sorry everyone, I’m not the enigmatic Canadian of the fabulous nail design channel on YouTube)
  • Pink mascara
  • Big boobs in dirndl
  • Tan body white face

Good to see our priorities are all in order, then.  I was also flattered to find that the 3 most clicked-on photos ever on this site are:

any swelling?

any swelling?

hulk

would it bother you to know that I was butt naked when I took this photo? You should see what’s cropped out of it. How far down did I paint myself green?… I’ll never tell!

boom

So you guys have a thing for a lady in costume with her baps out, eh?  Boy, are you in luck.  Halloween’s right around the corner, this is YOUR time of year!

And last of all, the three most-viewed posts in order are:

  • Tan body white face – perhaps I should delve more into this topic seeing as you are all so interested in how to look uniformly pale like me?
  • Body painting, Week 1 – pipped at the post by THREE views, as of today, and no bloody wonder – the only actual nipples to appear live on imogenmaxwell.com!  A big thanks to Jen for raising my stats, if you know what I mean.
  • BRAvissIMO! – me appearing in my bra on the internet for the first time (that I am aware of)
  • …and Call me crazy, in which I’m in my bra yet again, this time in aid of marriage equality.

What a journey we’ve been on, dear reader.  You’ve seen me blossom from amateur makeup artiste wannabe in my bedroom in Oban, to amateur makeup artiste wannabe in my bedroom in Glasgow.  From backpacker queen extraordinaire, applying all sorts of crazy slap to my friends… to … makeup school attendee who doesn’t really have any friends so now has to practice makeup on herself all the time instead.

Every click, every like, every “you are SO hilarious!” that you bestow upon me (in my dreams)… this flog is nothing without its devout readers, and I thank both each and every one of you for your ongoing support.  I will  be sure to mention you all in my Academy Award acceptance speech which will probably be in 2022, but if you can hang in there with me you will get the recognition.

Here’s Boston with More Than A Feeling.  Tune up those air guitars and let’s do this thang.

what a week

22 Jul

I’m lying in bed with my laptop on my chest, full of cake and hangover, but smiling through the pain.  Thanks to my family and friends for indulging me, spoiling me, celebrating with me this weekend – feeling very loved and overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity.

So how does one turn 30, Imo-style?  Well.

I went down to Glasgow to scope out my new local area…

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… continued filming How I Killed Your Father with the delightful David Fernandez…

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… got the surprise of my life when Irene came over from Denmark to surprise me for my birthday…

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… celebrated the shit out of said birthday, by having a Tarantino co-party with other July baby Agapantha…

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can I just point out, the reason I look knackered is too-clever shading and contouring I did so I would look like I had been up all night taking cocaine with Vincent Vega. Not actually so hag-faced in real life, I swear.
Many thanks to resident pastry chef (and fellow Adelaide girl) Keva for the raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake – yummm.  Check out her blog here and I challenge you to NOT lick your computer screen.

 

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Colin as Stuntman Mike. Scar by me.

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Ian getting tatted up a la George Clooney in Dusk Til Dawn

… and ripped all my clothes off and jumped into Loch Lomond with Faye, because why not.

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This coming week I’m ordering all the kit to start my course next month, but even more exciting than bruise wheels and liquid latex is this – my adventure down to London with Chloe for the David Bowie Is exhibition at the V&A.  Giddy up!

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ain’t she just the best

So just this once I’ll deviate from the usual hair metal that only I give a shit about, and leave you with the great man himself.  A new version of this song is being used to advertise a mobile phone at the moment so here you go, get educated.

You can substitute the lyrics to be “blue, blue, electric blue, is the colour of my poo” if you like.

Until next time, be good.  Xx

casting now for body double

22 May

As this blog is written by someone who actually has “hand-wash dirndl” and “write to Amish pen-pal” on this week’s To Do list, it won’t surprise you to hear that this weekend presents yet another party at which I am expected to dazzle.

And also as you would expect, any party involves dress-ups, if you’re me.  Anyone who has ever been to a dress up party knows that this always, always presents a plethora of dilemmas.

While I’ve been called worse things than the Colossus of Costume, obviously I have a reputation to uphold.  And a delicate chord to strike; this is a work function, after all.  It’s the grand opening of our new building.  All of Oban’s titans of industry (????) will be in attendance.

I must present myself as professional!

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Capable!

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Confident!

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Approachable!

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Not a liability, in any way!

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Auditioning now for body doubles.

Are YOU coming on Saturday?  Open day and canapes at Backpackers Plus, see y’all there.

Also, what should I do with my hair?  I feel like I’m ‘between haircuts’ at the minute and would really appreciate some sensible suggestions, such as “get extensions to make it even more mullet-y”.

behind the scenes

20 May

This weekend I’ve been to England and back, for my cousin’s wedding.  The weekend before, I went to Germany and back for the beer festival, but you already knew that because you religiously stalk my flog and you’ve been a bit worried because I haven’t posted every other day like I normally do.

I admit, I dropped the ball, best beloved.  I’m not telling you about my fabulous life of endless jet-set socialising ONLY to brag about it, but also to excuse my lack of flogging this week.  

Did I mention that, in between the last two weekends away (both of which were book-ended by one whole day in transit each direction), we moved premises at work and got the new building open and up and running?

For someone who normally swans about at a luxurious snails’ pace, this business has left me catatonic at the end of each day and completely unable to flog sensibly.  Sorry, fans.  

To atone, here’s a photo of me and Chloe pre-wedding.  This is one of a series of test shots we always take before going out in public, to see how we’re coming up in photos that day.  To practice working our angles and check make-up etc.  

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yes, this is a photo taken in the mirror with the camera on self-timer, balanced on a bottle of vodka, which is balanced on a kettle. You won’t get this kind of behind-the-scenes action again, people, so soak it up.

See “how to be photogenic” for further information/tips on how to be like us.

xXx

 

smiles all round

14 May
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I’m too sexy for this tooth

I got back from Germany yesterday, and back to Oban about 3 hours ago, to find a package waiting for me.  From the one and only glorious, gorgeous Irene!

In amongst a whole lot of fabulous goodies, there was some tooth blackening enamel, attractively modelled by me above.  Can’t wait to get busy creeping everyone out with this!

In the meantime, I’m freakin’ shattered from all the beer I had to drink last weekend, so … I’ll have to come up with something more intelligent for Thursday’s post.  Look forward to it, dear reader, you know what I’m like Xx

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mullet + biker boots + dirndl = ??

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my nasty little plait is no match for Chloe’s

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but I am getting better at fish-tail plaiting!

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sober

“Heroes”

21 Mar

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I put the brown-eye contact lens in for this.  Considering that I knew all along the picture would be in black and white, I hope you admire my dedication and attention to detail.  Dedicated enough to have an orange mullet in 2013, but not dedicated enough to shave my eyebrows off.

There is an exhibition at the V&A in London called “David Bowie is” until some time in August.  I am desperate to get down to it, so I think that’s what I’ll do for my birthday in July.  Yes.  Go down to London for a few days with Chloe.

Mum and Dad are talking about visiting from Australia in July.  Dad could take us to see where he grew up and tell us stories while we throw rocks into the Thames.  I could have almost my whole family there to watch me get old (minus big sis Phoebe, who is also my birthday buddy – we were born on the same day but three years apart).

If I get my way, I’ll also do a short makeup course while we’re there.

And then, there will be absolutely no stopping me.

how does she do it?

bowie does makeup

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