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orange you happy

24 Jan

Me and Dana stopping traffic.

not sure what your WiFi's like Chris, but this is for you :)

not sure what your WiFi’s like Chris, but this is for you ūüôā

I realised the other day that I’m not worried about money. ¬†This isn’t to say that I have enough money or that I shouldn’t be worried. ¬†My mind’s just been on other things. ¬†Also currently not overly fussed about bum size. ¬†What’s going on?


Happy birthday, David Bowie

8 Jan

Just over two weeks ago, I flew out of Glasgow, this dear green place.¬† After what felt like one million hours in transit, I arrived in Adelaide and spent the festive season eating real fruit and vegetables (none of your painted rocks that you call ‘avocado’, ‘cherry’ and ‘mango’, Scotland), marvelling at the healthy and attractive Australians just wandering about the place all tall and tanned, and running around like a blue-arsed fly trying to catch up with every single person that I have ever met.

It was a pretty big two weeks, flogstars.  I arrived back in Glasgow less than 24 hours ago.  What would be hilarious, is if I tried RIGHT NOW to write a post that made sense.

It’s been an impressively productive 24 hours, mind you – I’ve done a load of washing, had my tranny-nails removed and replaced with a dark shimmery purple Shellac job…


real reason I didn’t flog while away – I couldn’t type

…attended to some overdue facial threading (everything really DOES grow faster in the warm weather), been to the supermarket twice, went for a hour-long walk, done a shift at the Qwik-E-Mart, and slept for 10 hours uninterrupted.¬† I’ve also already made serious inroads into plans for my next holiday.

Australia feels like a distant dream already.  Luckily I took a billion pictures so I know it did actually happen.



so trusting!


So, January…¬† 2014!¬† This bleakest of months, where we are encouraged to take a good, hard, critical look at our lives, dwell on our various failures and inadequacies, and make vague/unrealistic resolutions to BE MORE BETTER.¬† I’ve been asked a few times what my new year’s resolutions are, but as I’ve never really been into deadlines, I haven’t come up with any yet.

Also, why mess with perfection?¬† I’m still basking in the glory of successfully adhering to last year’s, which were “spend more time and money on makeup”, “buy (minimum) 1 x CD per payday” and “take every possible opportunity to see a live band.”

I slipped up on that last one when I didn’t go see The Who, but as I am so good at buying 79p classic rock albums second hand on Amazon, this wasn’t such a huge problem.¬† Sometimes – if seeing The Who involves spending money you don’t have – you have to let it slide, flip through your millions of CDs, and listen at home instead.¬† Ah, home.¬† Where Keith Moon is still alive, beer doesn’t cost ¬£6/pint, and there’s no queue for the toilet.¬† Rock n’ roll.

There are important life-improvement lessons for all of us in that anecdote, flogstars.¬† Know what you want!¬† Be specific!¬† Be realistic!¬† Cultivate and nurture interests that make you happy!¬† Be #YOLO, but not so YOLO that you can’t pay the rent!¬† Be prepared!¬† I’ve got it all SO figured out.¬† Have a read of this Vice article about how to be less broke in 2014 – while I suspect that the guy who wrote it probably wouldn’t like me much, he does make some constructive points.

Despite being on an extremely winning life formula, I can admit that I need to be better at keeping in touch with friends and family back in the land of Oz.¬† I have no intention of swearing less, drinking less, eating less, playing with my smartphone less, or partaking in any of the other most popular ways to be miserable, so “install Skype” it is.Here’s Har Mar Superstar, that’s right, TWO songs in one flog post.¬† Lose control with me.

See you on the other side of jetlag, lovers!  xX

return of the tranny-mani

17 Dec

Admire my Santa-claws.

I accidentally scratched the cashier at the supermarket on the way home

I accidentally scratched the cashier at the supermarket on the way home

After tomorrow, I’ve got three weeks off from my Qwik-e-Mart job, so thought I’d get my bitch slappers buffed and primed for the festive season down under. ¬†Anyone who has a job that involves doing stuff or touching things knows that it can leave one’s mitts looking less than glamorous.



I kind of wish I’d packed before getting my nails done. ¬†Also typing this is really hard.

Speaking of packing, I’m starting to think about panicking about it. ¬†I just feel… so organised. ¬†In that peaceful way you do when you find yourself with an unexpected free day, before realising at 5pm you’ve missed a christening or something. ¬†(Just kidding, friends with kids. ¬†I might have drunk a 12-pack at a baby shower once but I’ve never missed a christening).

deer me

deer me

I have gifts for the immediate family under control, all my laundry is done… apart from the ongoing problem of not knowing what to actually wear in forty degree heat, I’ve done everything I can. ¬†Super organised.

Not really sure what/how much makeup to bring either. ¬†Just the basics? ¬†LOL. ¬†I’ve got the tiger facepaint in already, and made a shortlist of the top five foundations. ¬†I reorganised my makeup the other day actually and geez I’ve got a lot. ¬†A collection spanning many many years. ¬†

Chloe sometimes looks at me rummaging through it all and says “don’t pretend you know what you’re looking for in there” – referring in particular to a massive glass salad bowl I have, filled with identical MAC lipsticks in their beautiful black matte tubes. ¬†But I do know them all, I do. ¬†Their names, their finishes, their colours. ¬†Don’t worry, I’m not about to call a bunch of lipsticks ‘my babies’ or anything vom-worthy like that… but my love is real.


Anyway I really had better make a start on this packing business. Here is a CD I won’t be listening to while I do it:


As you can see I really made an effort to get into the spirit of things, but if I still hate carols even when they’re sung by the greats of classic rock and metal, then it’s just not going to happen.

Hope your pre-festivus run up is fun and stress-free etc. ¬†Don’t forget to call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and give some money to homeless charity too, just so it’s not all about unimportant things like whether the tinsel clashes with the baubles or whatever.

Here’s The Darkness with Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End), because this one’s not so bad.

today’s WTF brought to you by…

11 Dec

this silicone practice finger for nail art.



That is all.

No song either.¬† Just kidding, here’s Bonj.

meet Dana

17 Nov

last name Scully.

look at my new boots vying for attention in the corner there!

look at my new boots vying for attention in the corner there!

He is my skull ring.¬† He was named after Dana Carvey and it’s just a coincidence that his last name is Scully like Agent Scully from the X Files and he’s a skull.¬† Regular readers will recognise Dana from every photo of my left hand.¬† Sometimes he’s on my thumb.¬† He’s with me always.¬† He’s a cheap piece of shit I bought from which is where I get a lot of my cheap, badass stuff.

Once I’m rolling in the kind of money that will come with my imminent glittering career in makeup artistry, I’ll be adding to my collection via German designer Thomas Sabo and The Great Frog – home of wow.¬† Most coveted at the moment is this skull cuff:

I love you, why are you so expensive, will you ever be mine and do you love me too?

I love you, why are you so expensive, will you ever be mine and do you love me too?

… and next thing you know I’ll be rocking up to work in one of these:

for illustration purposes only, not actual mode of transport, it's an ornament calm down everyone

for illustration purposes only, not actual mode of transport, it’s an ornament calm down everyone

In that top photo of my hand, if you look closely you’ll notice that my nails have weird ridges in them.¬† That’s because I bought a miniature angle grinder masquerading as an electric nail buffer, for ¬£3 on Amazon.¬† I do not recommend.¬† It’s going to take ages for my nails to get back to normal, and thanks also to my Quik-e-Mart job ravaging my hands they’re not going to grow out any time soon either.¬† UGH!¬† I miss my claws.

Anyway.¬† Time to get off the internet and go meet Chloe for lunch. Happy Sunday, flogstars – hope you’re keepin’ it lazy like you should be.

baby you’re a firework

5 Nov
me for vendetta

me for vendetta

Happy bonfire night, flogstars. ¬†Hope you’re not scared of fireworks.

be cool, be cool

be cool, be cool

Today is my bodypainting assessment; I’m as prepared as I can be, and ready for ACTION!

what my tiger bodypainting will not look like

what my tiger bodypainting will not look like


WTF?  They're cheap red pointy false nails, blue-tacked on to the end of makeup brushes, so I could paint them black.  They will be Chloe's claws.

WTF? They’re cheap red pointy false nails, blue-tacked on to the end of makeup brushes, so I could paint them black. They will be Chloe’s claws.

Here are some more halloween photos from the weekend to tide you over until I have new material.  These are just pub randoms, not my work.

wpid-20131102_221830.jpg wpid-20131102_220449.jpg wpid-20131102_222155.jpg


Alright, night night now. ¬†Big day tomorrow… IT’S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME! ¬†So here’s Motorhead to sing you to sleep, which they won’t be doing in Glasgow in November because the tour’s been postponed. ¬†Gah. ¬†That’s THREE TIMES now that I’ve NOT seen Motorhead. ¬†Anyway, sweet dreams.


bye, July

31 Jul

Chloe and I travelled through space and time down to London last week, for the David Bowie Is exhibition at the Victoria & Albert Museum.  She bought us flights and a night in a hostel right by the museum for my birthday, and THAT, boys and girls, is how you win employee of the month.

So here is a little photo essay, scroll down really fast to animate and it’s almost like you’re there with us. ¬†Soundtrack: us screeching “HOW FUCKING MUCH?” every time we had to pay for something.


it would probably be quicker to WALK from Oban to London but public transport is just so much funnnn

After … about 30 hours in transit, we finally arrived in London. ¬†It was HOT down there – up in the highlands, summer so far has been humid and freezing, the worst of both worlds. ¬†But in London, blue skies and legit t-shirt temperatures!

Nelson's Column, London Eye in the background.

Nelson’s Column, London Eye in the background.

We checked in to our hostel…


good luck with that

… and beetled straight over to the V&A to check out our chances of getting in the next day. ¬†We put on our broadest Australian accents and advised the staff that we had travelled a very. long. way. to see the exhibition, and we were only in London for one day so what did they suggest we do to guarantee a ticket?

Sadly they didn’t usher us into the exhibition after hours so we could dance about trying on the priceless Yamamotos.

Chloe (left) and me dancing about in the priceless Yamamotos

Chloe (left) and me dancing about in the priceless Yamamotos. Thanks, yeah, I work out.

But they did tell us to get in line quick-sharp the next morning, and all going well we’d be allowed in. ¬†The museum opens at 10am so they told us to come around 9am, but we didn’t take any chances. ¬†We were there at 8am because we’re hardcore.

good thing too, this was the line by 9am.  We were 15th and 16th from the front, coiled like steel springs ready to fly through the doors at 10:00:01am

good thing too, this was the line by 9am. We were 15th and 16th from the front, coiled like steel springs ready to fly through the doors at 10:00:01am

We got stand-by tickets to the first showing…



and the exhibition was friggin’



We had to go and drink some vodka in Regent's Park afterwards to calm down before our flight back up to Scottyland

We had to go and drink some vodka in Regent’s Park afterwards to calm down before our flight back up to Scottyland

So then we spent the night in my new flat in Glasgow, which I will be moving in to in 2 weeks from today.

Sad to leave my awesome housemates and weird to leave the town and job that have been home for the last 5 years...

Sad to leave my awesome housemates and weird to leave the town and job that have been home for the last 5 years…

... but excited for the change of scenery and the bloody amazing fun and opportunities that are to come!

… but excited for the change of scenery and the bloody amazing fun and opportunities that are to come!

So that’s me, kids. ¬†I’m spending the next couple of weeks trying to sort out things at work and get my move a’happenin’. ¬†I know I’ve really let this flog die in the arse and I do apologise to any disappointed stalkers out there. ¬†I’ve got some good ideas for future posts so hang in there and one day I will get my shit together and make it worth your while.

meantime, here are my nails!  Silver flame wraps that I bought in Reykjavic earlier this year.

meantime, here are my nails! Silver flame wraps that I bought in Reykjavik earlier this year.

Right, now I’m off to bed, and when I wake up I’m going to make August my BEEEEAATCH. ¬†Stay tuned, best beloved xX

life is a biergarten

10 May

I’m in Germany this weekend with Chloe, Ian and Alewyn, to meet up with a big group of our German friends for a beer festival.


I got these yellow, red and black nail stripers from

This will be the third time I’ve been, and it’s always a lot of fun. ¬†I love everything about Germany. ¬†The people:





the party atmosphere…





… the food…







… the everything. ¬†I’m looking forward to this lil holiday so much! ¬†Time to whack on my dirndl, blow off some steam and go mental with the most efficient of party animals.

Don’t miss me too much xX


is it possible….

6 May

… to take a photo of your hand that DOESN’T look completely freaky?


apparently not

These nails are inspired by Steven Tyler’s trousers in the Girls of Summer video. You haven’t seen it? That’s a shame. Here it is, watch it just quickly now.

nailed it: Zombody to love

22 Apr

Wordplay stolen from Carissa.


Iron Fist ‘zombie stomper’ nail transfers

These Iron Fist bad-boys came in a neat lil packet with a nail file and wooden stick to poke your cuticles with.


I’ve used lots of different brands of nail transfers, and I have to say (having only worn these so far for a few hours) that I’m pretty impressed.


The instructions recommend buffing your nails and applying the transfers to a clean surface, but I also suggest putting on a base coat, whatever you would normally put on your nails if you are so inclined.  For a while I have been using Sally Hansen Miracle Cure Problem Nail Strengthener.

I recommend this for two reasons; partly to give the sticker something to grip, but mostly to protect your natural nail. ¬†So when you peel it off, it doesn’t take bits of your own nail with it. ¬†Stickers are dark horses; wearing them back-to-back for several weeks last summer, I found myself with soft flaky nails, good for nothing.

I suggest putting on a base coat, letting it dry, then applying your transfers.


All nail stickers are usually designed for long-ish nails; you need to have some length to be able to wrap the transfer over, to file it off.  And the designs are usually for longer nails Рsome of the zombie eyeballs were kind of cut off, even on my nails which I would say are pretty long right now.

Speaking of.  You might have also noticed that some of my nails are revoltingly long and pointy; this is a nail-shape that seems to work well for me, as in, it resists chips and splits etc, and I can grow my nails disgustingly long if I file them in to a point while I do it.  Also makes me feel like Cat Woman.

Anyway.  These nail stickers went on really well; they are a lot softer and more pliable than many other brands I have used, so they were very easy to stretch-to-fit onto my nails, and being so pliable, fit really easily.  I screwed up on two of my nails and to be honest those two are already (a few hours after applying them) showing signs of poor resilience.

Compared to other brands (including Nail Rock) that have been somewhat more brittle, it looks like these will wear well. ¬†I’ll update this post to let you know for sure. ¬†Other brands I’ve used have been more difficult to apply completely smoothly, and that seems to be the trouble with any nail sticker; as soon as it’s not perfectly applied, any wrinkles will quickly turn into peeling and lifting. ¬†Makes sense I guess.

Anyway – this post is scheduled to go live on Monday, when I will be heading back home to Oban from Glasgow. ¬†I was there to see Jettblack, so it’s possible that by the time you are reading this, I will have run off with Jon Dow and you won’t hear from me again. ¬†If that is the case I’ll give Chloe my flog password so she can let you all down gently.

Do you think he likes zombie nails?  I hope he likes zombie nails.  Screeeeam!

Update: this is what they look like after 48 hours wear.


The index and pinky finger are the worst; these are the two that I screwed up putting on. ¬†The pinky is ripped in the middle and the index finger just has quite a big chunk missing from the tip. ¬†As the pattern is so busy it’s not actually that noticeable in real life.

The rest of the nails have worn a little on the tips but not too much.  None of them have peeled or lifted, so, they remain the best-wearing nail stickers I have used Рhands down!

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