Tag Archives: gig

how to be photogenic

24 Apr

People often mistake me for photogenic, which is obviously a nice compliment – but it’s simply not the case.  I look like an elderly man in profile, and I also have to work quite hard at making sure my nose doesn’t look like a penis.

It’s all about angles, really.

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Chloe and I have quite snap-happy mum, who also gives very good advice about not looking like hell in a photo.  Remember, chin DOWN and FORWARD.  A photo taken from slightly above will usually turn out better than one taken from below.  Think MySpace and keep going.  Know your best angle, and work it.  If you never let a hideous photo of yourself be taken or published, then technically that’s all it takes to be photogenic.

Your photographer will be either your best friend or your worst enemy here.  Learn which of your friends are shite at taking photos, and never let those people take your picture.

BE PREPARED.  If you grimace and go “eeeeerrrrggh I HATE having my photo taken!” whenever someone whips out a camera, then you’ll end up with nothing but photos of yourself with your face screwed up, mid-sentence.  No wonder you hate photos of yourself, if that’s what they look like.  Just smile.

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Try to be born to parents who are really attractive, as this will give you the best genetic advantage possible.  Also, if you have your hair and makeup professionally done every day, you’ll look better in photos too.

These photos are from Sunday, when Chloe and I were in Glasgow seeing Jettblack.

Chloe blue herself for the occasion

Chloe blue herself for the occasion

Jon Dow.  A man who understands that if you don't need to wear a shirt, you shouldn't wear a shirt.

Jon Dow. A man who understands that if you don’t need to wear a shirt, you shouldn’t wear a shirt.

me with lead singer Will Stapleton

me with super-lovely lead singer Will Stapleton

me with guitar and vocals Jon Dow

me with guitar and vocals Jon Dow, who had annoyingly put on a hoodie after coming off stage, but had the good grace to keep it unzipped.

It took quite a bit of arm-twisting to get this photo of Chloe giving Jon a piggy-back…

giddy up

giddy up

… he was all like, “my girlfriend’s not going to like this, you’re not going to put it on Facebook are you?” (nope, just my flog which gets zillions of daily hits with its huge international audience) and I was all like “if your girlfriend gives you a hard time about being piggybacked by giant Australian sisters, then you really need to take a good hard look at your relationship and just marry me instead.”

Not really.  I didn’t actually say that.  But we were all thinking it.

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nailed it: Zombody to love

22 Apr

Wordplay stolen from Carissa.

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Iron Fist ‘zombie stomper’ nail transfers

These Iron Fist bad-boys came in a neat lil packet with a nail file and wooden stick to poke your cuticles with.

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I’ve used lots of different brands of nail transfers, and I have to say (having only worn these so far for a few hours) that I’m pretty impressed.

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The instructions recommend buffing your nails and applying the transfers to a clean surface, but I also suggest putting on a base coat, whatever you would normally put on your nails if you are so inclined.  For a while I have been using Sally Hansen Miracle Cure Problem Nail Strengthener.

I recommend this for two reasons; partly to give the sticker something to grip, but mostly to protect your natural nail.  So when you peel it off, it doesn’t take bits of your own nail with it.  Stickers are dark horses; wearing them back-to-back for several weeks last summer, I found myself with soft flaky nails, good for nothing.

I suggest putting on a base coat, letting it dry, then applying your transfers.

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All nail stickers are usually designed for long-ish nails; you need to have some length to be able to wrap the transfer over, to file it off.  And the designs are usually for longer nails – some of the zombie eyeballs were kind of cut off, even on my nails which I would say are pretty long right now.

Speaking of.  You might have also noticed that some of my nails are revoltingly long and pointy; this is a nail-shape that seems to work well for me, as in, it resists chips and splits etc, and I can grow my nails disgustingly long if I file them in to a point while I do it.  Also makes me feel like Cat Woman.

Anyway.  These nail stickers went on really well; they are a lot softer and more pliable than many other brands I have used, so they were very easy to stretch-to-fit onto my nails, and being so pliable, fit really easily.  I screwed up on two of my nails and to be honest those two are already (a few hours after applying them) showing signs of poor resilience.

Compared to other brands (including Nail Rock) that have been somewhat more brittle, it looks like these will wear well.  I’ll update this post to let you know for sure.  Other brands I’ve used have been more difficult to apply completely smoothly, and that seems to be the trouble with any nail sticker; as soon as it’s not perfectly applied, any wrinkles will quickly turn into peeling and lifting.  Makes sense I guess.

Anyway – this post is scheduled to go live on Monday, when I will be heading back home to Oban from Glasgow.  I was there to see Jettblack, so it’s possible that by the time you are reading this, I will have run off with Jon Dow and you won’t hear from me again.  If that is the case I’ll give Chloe my flog password so she can let you all down gently.

Do you think he likes zombie nails?  I hope he likes zombie nails.  Screeeeam!

Update: this is what they look like after 48 hours wear.

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The index and pinky finger are the worst; these are the two that I screwed up putting on.  The pinky is ripped in the middle and the index finger just has quite a big chunk missing from the tip.  As the pattern is so busy it’s not actually that noticeable in real life.

The rest of the nails have worn a little on the tips but not too much.  None of them have peeled or lifted, so, they remain the best-wearing nail stickers I have used – hands down!

it’s raining rock n’ roll

23 Mar

What’s that you say?

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You like posts with photos of me in the nuddy the best?

You’re only human.

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But anyway, I didn’t put black lipstick with pink lipliner on to discuss that.  No.  I’m here to deliver the interesting-only-to-me news that my Jettblack tickets arrived.

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I love Jettblack because Jon Dow.

the man I'm going to marry

I’m pretty sure he wrote this song about me, which is awesome because I think it’s the best love song I’ve ever heard.  I very much look forward to meeting him and moving our relationship to the next level (reality).

Chloe is coming to see them too, of course.  She still owes me (and will always owe me) for the Hanson/Kelly Clarkson double-whammy.

imo at kelly clarkson

She was quite surprised when I breathlessly showed her the photo of my future-husband Jon, as she was expecting Jettblack to be in their fifties at least.  Just like every other band I’ve made her come see.

Happy hair-metal weekend, rocklings.

*No mullets were harmed in the making of this post – it’s just tied up.

PS Here’s a fun photo effects thingy – http://pixlr.com/o-matic/

PPS For my photo-editing I use http://www.photoscape.org

PPPS Oh yeah, this is a makeup blog.  So here’s a tip, I can’t remember where I saw it so I do apologise if I’ve nicked this from another beauty blogger who I’m now not crediting… but I’m pretty sure I saw it in a magazine so hopefully no harm done.  Anyway.  Make the darkest part of your eyebrows at the arch to make them look fuller, not the inside corner like you might think.  Boom.

PPPPS I STILL haven’t heard from Clydebank College about whether I’ll be offered a place on the HND in Makeup Artistry…

… the suspense is killing me…

Vegemite and lip tattoos – Colin rides again

17 Mar

After the last post featuring my housemate Colin’s nipples, I have been deluged with requests, fan mail, bribes, marriage proposals, weird fan-art, and all sorts of messages and trinkets that I was supposed to pass on to him, but didn’t.

Some of the more savoury suggestions you sent in, dear readers, included things you wanted me to do to Colin’s lucious lips.  Which is why we are here today, to try out the lip tattoos given to me for Christmas by my babelicous Danish friend, Irene.

Here’s me with Irene, in Glasgow, December 2011, on our way to the Def Leppard/Motley Crue/Steel Panther gig.

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So Irene gave me, amongst other fabulous gifts, some lip transfer/tattoos.

As made famous by Jessie J

As made famous by Jessie J

They’re just like the temporary tattoos that we all played with as kids (I don’t still play with them, HAHAHAHAHAHAA).  You cut the tattoo to fit the size and shape of your lips, peel off the plastic, wet the tattoo generously with cold water, press it on then carefully lift away the paper backing once the tattoo is stuck to the skin.

Colin assumes the position

Colin assumes the position

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But I just didn’t think that was creepy enough, so I made his teeth pointy.

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These pointy teeth were created with…

yes, Vegemite!

yes, Vegemite!

… although if you want a longer-lasting pointy tooth, get some tooth enamel.  Otherwise, as soon as you stop baring your teeth and start flapping your gums as normal, you’ll end up looking like you need to see the dentist urgently.

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So the lip tattoo lasted for an entire evening.

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And it lasted quite well.  I thought it would crack and peel but it didn’t, it just kind of faded.  He got a good few hours wear.

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And it wasn’t any ordinary night that the lip tattoo survived; it was Roadtrip Three Reunion night, where Chloe, Colin and I enjoyed a splendid slideshow of all the photos from the holiday we took together a year ago.  She-housemate Zoe might not have enjoyed it as much as we did, but she was a bloody good sport about it, and that’s why we love her 🙂

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