I accidentally scratched the cashier at the supermarket on the way home
After tomorrow, I’ve got three weeks off from my Qwik-e-Mart job, so thought I’d get my bitch slappers buffed and primed for the festive season down under. Anyone who has a job that involves doing stuff or touching things knows that it can leave one’s mitts looking less than glamorous.
before
I kind of wish I’d packed before getting my nails done. Also typing this is really hard.
Speaking of packing, I’m starting to think about panicking about it. I just feel… so organised. In that peaceful way you do when you find yourself with an unexpected free day, before realising at 5pm you’ve missed a christening or something. (Just kidding, friends with kids. I might have drunk a 12-pack at a baby shower once but I’ve never missed a christening).
Not really sure what/how much makeup to bring either. Just the basics? LOL. I’ve got the tiger facepaint in already, and made a shortlist of the top five foundations. I reorganised my makeup the other day actually and geez I’ve got a lot. A collection spanning many many years.
Chloe sometimes looks at me rummaging through it all and says “don’t pretend you know what you’re looking for in there” – referring in particular to a massive glass salad bowl I have, filled with identical MAC lipsticks in their beautiful black matte tubes. But I do know them all, I do. Their names, their finishes, their colours. Don’t worry, I’m not about to call a bunch of lipsticks ‘my babies’ or anything vom-worthy like that… but my love is real.
Anyway I really had better make a start on this packing business. Here is a CD I won’t be listening to while I do it:
As you can see I really made an effort to get into the spirit of things, but if I still hate carols even when they’re sung by the greats of classic rock and metal, then it’s just not going to happen.
Hope your pre-festivus run up is fun and stress-free etc. Don’t forget to call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and give some money to homeless charity too, just so it’s not all about unimportant things like whether the tinsel clashes with the baubles or whatever.
Here’s The Darkness with Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End), because this one’s not so bad.
I don’t actually WANT to kill any of my classmates, but I’m going to have to.
They’re too talented, and I just don’t need that kind of competition.
This week we began Asian bridal in basic makeup, and continued practicing bodypainting for next week’s assessment.
My tiger is coming together OK; I was right, getting organised has helped confidence levels considerably. Today (Tits-Oot Tuesday) I practiced twice, first on Saoirse …
… after which she practiced her Xena cuff on my arm. I volunteered to get my top off like a million times, but no dice.
Then I practiced on Chloe at home …
… after which she sat around my lounge room topless, painted as a tiger, watching TV for ages and ages.
… and some goldeneye action to cover up my stained eyelids. Stained from the MAC Chromaline we were using as a base for the bright eyeshadow in Asian bridal. Oh, so pink and fabulous (until you try to wash it off – so, perfect for the long-wear you’d want on your wedding day!)
Graftobian cosmetic powdered metal (copper) and Graftobian Magic Set Mixing & Lining Liquid.
I don’t have any of my own to experiment with yet, but I suspect the Magic Set might rival Illamasqua sealing gel. It’s the same kind of thing – a setting liquid that you mix with powder to create an opaque, fast drying and long-lasting paint… only Graftobian’s is a fraction of the price.
Oh speaking of bargains, Crownbrush UK will be having a 20% off sale probably within the next couple of days (once they reach 20,000 ‘likes’ on Facebook). I use a lot of their brushes – they’re good and dirt cheap. Get in. You don’t need to spend heaps on brushes; if you use them a lot therefore clean them a lot, they’re going to lose hair regardless, so you may as well get cheaper ones cos they’re going to need replacing anyway. And I honestly don’t notice a difference in quality with most of my cheap brushes up against, say, MAC ones I’ve paid a fortune for.
It’s just unnecessary. Get cheap brushes and spend what you’ve saved on regular facials; no brush or foundation for that matter is going to make a lick of difference if you face has the texture of a house brick.
Bed time, flogstars. Here’s Harry Belafonte to sing you to sleep.
Today’s post is about two German things. One of them is Agi, the other is the Glasgow Oktoberfest.
remember when I went to Germany in May?
First things first.
On Thursday I partied with these sexy mofos up in Oban.
United nations.
It was also attempt #2 at my second wig assessment with Agi as my model. Regular readers will remember LAST Thursday’s disaster when the assessment during class time had to be abandonned. It went much better this time around!
Here’s the step-by-step in pictures.
I used… Ben Nye eyeshadows in Green As Fuck and Golden Shower (not real eyeshadow names, I just can’t be bothered going to check) mixed with Illamasqua sealing gel. The black outline is a Barry M liquid liner, the white is that white cream makeup I’ve mentioned a million times. I don’t think it has a brand. Get on eBay and search for “white cream makeup”, the one I use looks like this:
… but I think they’re all pretty similar. What is not similar is the price. If you buy that ish in a costume shop, you’re looking at about £12. Online it’s £1.75. Sorry local business, but I just can’t. When I start earning proper money I will support you again, but for now, it’s online all the way.
Anyway, the foundation is Illamasqua Rich Liquid and the blush is a MAC Mineralize one that I am quite fond of. The wig is a cheapy from eBay as well. It’s actually got a long side-fringe but it was pinned out the way to show the anime eyes.
Hopefully this will fly with the college. They weren’t too in love with the idea of me doing the assessment not-at-college, but you know me, flogstars. I like to just go for it anyway.
So that was Thursday. On Friday Chloe and I returned to Glasgow, I quickly threw on my dirndl and we were out the door sharpish for the Glasgow Oktoberfest with a handful of our other pals from Oban.
“Squeezy” Lou and Chloe
As a beer-festival expert, I noticed a few things about Scotland’s attempt at this greatest of all occasions that were a bit… different to how they do it in Germany. Firstly, PLASTIC mass glasses and wine carafes. PLASTIC! And there were also two security guards and one cop per person. I suppose both of these details are a necessary evil in these parts.
It was only £2.50 to get in to the beer tent (good) and there wasn’t any allocated seating (also good, although if it had been full it would have been a problem).
The two biggest heartbreaks were the beer and the food. We had tickets for a meal and ordering it was quite the comedy of errors. After the third delivery of wrong food, the waiter actually had a tantrum and walked off. I had to chase after him and dry his tears and coax him into doing his damn job properly. Lucky I am so persuasive. This was at about 7pm, when the tent was still half empty and everyone was still sober. That little bitch would have had one of the longest nights of his life if he couldn’t cope with our table.
The one on the right is either a plate of sauce or sauerkraut mixed with mashed potato (two of the things we didn’t order but received anyway)
No.
My problem with the beer is also two-part; the fact that it was MID-STRENGTH, and also £8.50 for a big one – which wasn’t even a litre! You should see the look on my face as I am typing this. Chloe and I had one ‘mass’ each and realised that we could sit there drinking that watered down, not-even-German shit all night and walk out of there not even the tinest bit wobbly.
I panicked and bought two bottles of wine, hoping that it, at least, would have alcohol in it. I was disappointed, of course, as they had watered it down too. WITH WATER. I wish I was joking. And I know what you must be thinking; pissed bitch yells at bar staff because she is so drunk she can’t taste the alcohol in her beverage. No, dear reader. I was as sober as a judge, and so was Chloe.
We had started to lose our sense of humour at this stage. We had paid good money – far too much good money – for this watered-down crap, so good ole Chlo went and complained to the arse behind the bar and made him open two new bottles and tip them into a carafe in front of us. Ha.
my hero
I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.
But time travel hasn’t been invented yet.
Stop, stop, stop, you don’t have to drink the whole thing!
And another thing. Wearing a dirndl has never before put me at a disadvantage…
… but at Glasgow’s Oktoberfest, it was a huge mistake – everybody thought I worked there. Worse, because my dirndl was different to the actual staff (mine was blue and covers my ass, theirs were pink and didn’t) I was mistaken for some sort of authority figure, so people were coming to me with their problems all night. “Where’s our food”, “we ordered 6 beers but only got 5”, etc etc etc. Gah!
Jenny gets the money shot
So, for any of you thinking of attending the Glasgow Green Oktoberfest this or next weekend, here are my hints. Arrive drunk, and find or win a lot of money that you don’t mind wasting on non-alcoholic beer and wine before you go. Also, don’t be awesome and wear a dirndl, and wear wellington boots because they erected the tent on a bog.
Oh, and don’t use the Groupon £15 for two tickets offer – it’s the worst value for money ever. The allocated seating doesn’t exist, you only get a half-pint of MID-STRENGTH beer, you have no choice with the food they give you (which is two nasty little Farmfoods sausages on a plate of chips) and all that shit bought separately would come in cheaper.
Humph. I’m all annoyed now. I am actually most pissed off with myself for panic-drinking that wine. A huge rip off that ended the night early. What a waste! Oh well, there will be plenty more opportunities to unleash my inner German beast.
Until such a time, here’s Scorpions. They’re German, and awesome.
I strongly dislike airbrushing. It’s frustrating. The guns we use at college aren’t the best, and it’s impossible to clean them properly. That, and our class is 20-odd chicas, so we all have to share. Everything. All the time. There’s one of each thing we need, and 20 people wanting to use it at the same time. Gah!
I just… don’t like sharing.
And as previously mentioned, the makeup itself is minging. It has turned my skin to that of a 14 year old boy, yet when it’s on my face, sinking into my pores and wrinkles and looking like a thick hideous mask, that ugly crap somehow manages to make me look 100 years old. Bah!
Anyway, that’s today’s makeup bitch. Airbrushing will come in handy when it’s body-paintin’ time…
stencilicious
…I just don’t like it on my face. And college is awesome, in fact, and we only have to do airbrushing for another couple of weeks before we move on to other stuff.
ermagherd
And even though there are more people than required materials in the class, mostly everyone’s mostly cool. The tutors are all great, and it’s nice to sit in a classroom without wishing your time away.
I pay so much attention.
So this week, apart from hating on airbrush guns, we’ve been doing normal basic makeup/foundation…
makeup is gross
….and we also continued with studio portraits for our portfolio production. Here are some behind the scenes shots for your enjoyment:
my view
their view
then we got fancy AND schmancy with the lighting
snap.
So that’s what’s going oooon, dear reader. Tomorrow, computer class in the a.m. and WIG-WORK in the afternoon! Couldn’t you just die?
Here’s Def Leppard with their 1983 (a very good year) single, Photograph. From Pyromania, back when Rick had both arms. It’s not my favourite DL song, but it’s not my least favourite either – and it’s topical, so bloody well listen to it, alright? 😉
…which is why 3/4 of the storage space in my room is full of crazy crap like this.
take me seriously
Opening packages and parcels is always exciting, especially when you don’t know what’s in them. So imagine my surprise last week when not one, but two yellow wigs arrived.
The orange lipstick I’m wearing is So Chaud by MAC with a bit of their eyeshadow in Honeylust in the centre of my bottom lip. Did you guys know they still do the package recycling incentive, so if you return 6 MAC makeup empties of any kind to them, they’ll give you a free lippy (but not from the Viva Glam range, as that’s sold to raise cash for the MAC AIDS fund).
Anyway. Gotta go rack my brains to see if I can remember why I would have thought I needed two yellow wigs. I really do have fantastic ideas when I’m pissed, why don’t I write them down? Oh yeah, because “amazing shelf bum” written on a gin-soaked receipt still leaves me completely in the dark.
“So, what brushes do you use?” said no one ever, to me anyway, but I need to flog about SOMETHING, don’t I? And makeup brushes are important. Not as important as saying “I love you” to your mum every chance you get. More important than … that douche that cut you off in peak-hour traffic this morning? I dunno.
I’m not actually that much of a tool-tool to be honest, I’m pretty big on sticking my fingers into all the powders and pastes and gettin’ busy that way.
Kevyn himself said something wise about the most important makeup tools being time and your own hands. And there’s something to be said for feeling what you’re doing when you put makeup on either yourself or someone else, interacting with the planes of the face you’re decorating, manipulating the products you’re using with the pads of your fingers. Tactile.
Anyway. Makeup brushes are handy if you’re aiming for a specific effect, like a fine or sharp line on your upper lash-line, or a perfectly blended blush. The brush I use probably every day is a fluffy eyeshadow brush that I’ve probably had for about 15 years, by Manicare.
this sexy son of a bitch
It’s really gone the distance, I’m yet to see it shed even one hair. It’s all I need for just puttin’ on some eyeshadow.
I think an angled brush is also a handy one to have, and I’ve had a MAC one that I’ve been using for a million years as well, although for the St Patrick’s day facepainting I bought a Barry M one for only a few bucks, not wanting to trash my good one, and I have to say I was well impressed by how it went the distance, too. I was expecting to bin it after the event, but it’s scrubbed up just fine. And, dare I say it, sharper than my MAC one. Shhh.
I also use a MAC blush brush:
MAC blush brush
and a MAC stipple brush:
made from the hair of a zebra. Not really.
MAC brushes are good, but they’re not cheap, and while I think there are a lot of cases in which one gets what one pays for… I think you can get some damn good brushes without forking out that much. It’s all a matter of personal preference really. And it can seem a bit daunting too, for example there are zillions of different brushes you can buy for eyeshadow alone. No point spending hundreds on a full brush kit only to end up using one or two tools. Why not get cheaper brushes to experiment with (if you’re not planning on Winehouse’ing, ever, then you might not actually NEED an eyeliner brush, for example). See if the brush is something that makes it into your regular rotation, then upgrade if you want to.
You can also go mad buying ‘brush cleaner’ and so on, but I’m not convinced of their merits really. I just use shampoo to clean mine, blot them on a towel to get the water out, pat them into shape and let them air-dry. I’d use anti-bacterial hand soap to clean them before and after using them on someone else, if I was being all hygiene-conscious.
I have heard good things, very good things in fact, about makeup brand EyesLipsFace (ELF). In particular about their brushes. For dirt cheap! And until today I thought you could only get their stuff in Canada/USA, but lo – here you Aussies can find it, and for us here in Blighty. Go mad. I’ll be shopping up a storm on payday so strap yourselves in for some ELF product reviews soon.
I saw this video on YouTube and decided to give it a shot.
She’s using all MAC products but as usual I just made do with what I already had, using the white cream makeup I’ve mentioned previously that can be bought on eBay for a couple of bucks. Next time I practice this I think I’ll use the Snazaroo facepaint.
What do you think?
Please excuse the shite quality of the photos, they were taken on my phone camera 🙂
Sunday night I was at the pub painting faces for St Patrick’s day celebrations. I did my own makeup using MAC Pigment in a light green and various dark brown pencils and shadows to create a smokey eye. I put false eyelashes on but they pretty quickly gave me the shits so I ripped them off not long after I took these photos.
I’ve used falsies a lot in the past so I’m not sure exactly what went wrong with these ones; they were cheap (not a deal-breaker) and “pre-glued” (a fallacious concept) so I put more glue on them, and things quickly went pear-shaped. They were itching to buggery so off they went. Shame. I do love a good flutter.
So then it was off to the pub to decorate everyone else, but first I went via the hostel and painted Chloe as a green tiger while she was on reception. Just for practice.
and here is (almost) everybody else!
Then I let Chloe do my makeup…
Which she was very happy with…
And a whale of a time was had by all. Thanks very much to Lindsay at Markie’s for being a gracious host as always, and Sandra MacBeth for the banter-tastic entertainment! I hope you’re all not feeling so green now that you’ve had a big sleep and lots of water.
This week I will hear (hopefully) about whether I have been offered a place on the HND Makeup Artistry course @ Clydebank… keep your fingers crossed for me. Maybe this photo will bring some luck ‘o the Irish – I present to you some of my lovely staff 🙂
Have you ever been all dressed up for a night out, bit o’ skin on show, done up to the nines, feeling fab… only to find Facebook peppered with photos like THIS the next day?
Oh no, the dreaded GHOST FACE! And all because of a sneaky, cheeky little ingredient that’s found in almost all skin makeup; titanium dioxide. Sounds evil and poisonous, but in fact titanium dioxide is one of the most effective absorbers/refractors of skin damaging UVA/UVB rays from the sun. As most makeup, moisturiser and face powders have a Sun Protection Factor in them these days, it’s almost certainly on your face right now as you read this.
Titanium dioxide also happens to be the most commonly used white pigment in the world, because it’s the whitest thing there is.
It’s in everything. Milk. Paper. Toothpaste. Ink. The lines around the edge of the tennis court. Sunscreen. And like I said, almost certainly in your foundation; definitely if it’s got an SPF in it.
And it’s how you can end up with the white-face-brown-body effect; the bright light of the flash is picked up and reflected by it, potentially leading to this:
You have to go looking for them, but there are foundations that don’t contain an SPF and/or titanium dioxide. For foundation for flash photography, Revlon Colourstay and L’Oreal True Match are decent ‘high street/drug store’ ones, or Make Up Forever (a bit pricier). MAC Face & Body foundation is one that’s recommended by a lot of makeup artists for use in flash photography. For anyone wishing to recreate my natural sun-kissed glow, I used Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse in Cocoa.
It also depends a bit on your skin type; while an oily finish will make skin look shiny ergo paler under flash, one that’s too matte can be ashy and ageing. But in the interests of avoiding the ghost-face thing, look for a matte rather than shimmery finish.
If you’re just working with what you’ve already got, have a look at the ingredients in your foundation; titanium dioxide is usually listed as one of the last ingredients. So if you know that it’s there, and you know you’re going to be flash-photographed, you can do something about it.
It’s not just fake tan that can give the unwanted contrast; even if you’re just naturally olive skinned and wearing makeup that looks like a perfect match in the mirror, the flash can still pick it up. To give an even all-over colour in flash photographs, just mix a bit of your foundation into a body lotion (or use a moisturiser with SPF) and apply liberally all over your chest/shoulders/neck/arms/wherever there’s bare skin near your face.
If you use any kind of setting/finishing powder over your foundation, this can be a culprit too! An even WORSE culprit, in fact, as powders don’t often label themselves as SPF, but usually they do have titanium dioxide in them. So you’ve really got to go looking to see if it’s there. I’m still searching for the perfect powder but I think MAC Blot Powder is pretty damn close – and it comes in a lot of shades so you can get the perfect match. And hopefully avoid this:
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