I’m alive and well, flogstars – I’ve just been a lazy bastard. A busy one actually, and over a week has passed without a post because I’ve been flat out like a lizard drinking (apologies, just getting my Australian lingo back up to scratch for the imminent visit home).
Here’s a quick recap of … some things I did.
Flog devotees (hey, you) will remember how hard I had made Chloe slave in the lead-up to the body painting assessment. The day came and I was as prepared as I could be. I’d burnt though nearly a whole cake each of orange, black and white Snazaroo paints in the practice sessions. Chloe’s torso was practically raw from having stripes scraped onto it with my cheap shitty brushes.
Doing the design plan right before I started the painting. Yes, that’s a toothbrush in my mouth. Imogen Maxwell: Eleventh Hour Calm is what I shall call my first autobiography.
And it came together pretty well. I had pulled together some good accessories – the black claw-nails, white fluffy eyebrows that I’d originally procured to use on Agi for the doomed oompa-loompa wig assessment, tiger ears headband, vampire fangs that wouldn’t bloody well stay in so I ended up Blu-Tac’ing them to Chloe’s incisors.
It’s really hard to get a wide shot in the bodypainting studio without there being like a MILLION boobs in the background.
All in all pretty happy with how it came up, and I passed, which is all that really matters.
That same day, Chloe stayed for the afternoon to be my model for Asian bridal makeup. Heehee.
International heartbreakers
In non-makeup but Chloe-related news, it was her birthday this week so I made a tiramisu…
… and we went out for drinks with Loz.
That’s all for today, my beloved flogstars. I’ve got a bit to catch you up on so will post again soon. And I’m thinking of completely changing up the format of the flog, so strap yourselves in.
And now, to bed… here’s Darren Hanlon with a lullaby to send you soundly to the land of nod.
I don’t actually WANT to kill any of my classmates, but I’m going to have to.
They’re too talented, and I just don’t need that kind of competition.
This week we began Asian bridal in basic makeup, and continued practicing bodypainting for next week’s assessment.
My tiger is coming together OK; I was right, getting organised has helped confidence levels considerably. Today (Tits-Oot Tuesday) I practiced twice, first on Saoirse …
… after which she practiced her Xena cuff on my arm. I volunteered to get my top off like a million times, but no dice.
Then I practiced on Chloe at home …
… after which she sat around my lounge room topless, painted as a tiger, watching TV for ages and ages.
… and some goldeneye action to cover up my stained eyelids. Stained from the MAC Chromaline we were using as a base for the bright eyeshadow in Asian bridal. Oh, so pink and fabulous (until you try to wash it off – so, perfect for the long-wear you’d want on your wedding day!)
Graftobian cosmetic powdered metal (copper) and Graftobian Magic Set Mixing & Lining Liquid.
I don’t have any of my own to experiment with yet, but I suspect the Magic Set might rival Illamasqua sealing gel. It’s the same kind of thing – a setting liquid that you mix with powder to create an opaque, fast drying and long-lasting paint… only Graftobian’s is a fraction of the price.
Oh speaking of bargains, Crownbrush UK will be having a 20% off sale probably within the next couple of days (once they reach 20,000 ‘likes’ on Facebook). I use a lot of their brushes – they’re good and dirt cheap. Get in. You don’t need to spend heaps on brushes; if you use them a lot therefore clean them a lot, they’re going to lose hair regardless, so you may as well get cheaper ones cos they’re going to need replacing anyway. And I honestly don’t notice a difference in quality with most of my cheap brushes up against, say, MAC ones I’ve paid a fortune for.
It’s just unnecessary. Get cheap brushes and spend what you’ve saved on regular facials; no brush or foundation for that matter is going to make a lick of difference if you face has the texture of a house brick.
Bed time, flogstars. Here’s Harry Belafonte to sing you to sleep.
Today’s post is about two German things. One of them is Agi, the other is the Glasgow Oktoberfest.
remember when I went to Germany in May?
First things first.
On Thursday I partied with these sexy mofos up in Oban.
United nations.
It was also attempt #2 at my second wig assessment with Agi as my model. Regular readers will remember LAST Thursday’s disaster when the assessment during class time had to be abandonned. It went much better this time around!
Here’s the step-by-step in pictures.
I used… Ben Nye eyeshadows in Green As Fuck and Golden Shower (not real eyeshadow names, I just can’t be bothered going to check) mixed with Illamasqua sealing gel. The black outline is a Barry M liquid liner, the white is that white cream makeup I’ve mentioned a million times. I don’t think it has a brand. Get on eBay and search for “white cream makeup”, the one I use looks like this:
… but I think they’re all pretty similar. What is not similar is the price. If you buy that ish in a costume shop, you’re looking at about £12. Online it’s £1.75. Sorry local business, but I just can’t. When I start earning proper money I will support you again, but for now, it’s online all the way.
Anyway, the foundation is Illamasqua Rich Liquid and the blush is a MAC Mineralize one that I am quite fond of. The wig is a cheapy from eBay as well. It’s actually got a long side-fringe but it was pinned out the way to show the anime eyes.
Hopefully this will fly with the college. They weren’t too in love with the idea of me doing the assessment not-at-college, but you know me, flogstars. I like to just go for it anyway.
So that was Thursday. On Friday Chloe and I returned to Glasgow, I quickly threw on my dirndl and we were out the door sharpish for the Glasgow Oktoberfest with a handful of our other pals from Oban.
“Squeezy” Lou and Chloe
As a beer-festival expert, I noticed a few things about Scotland’s attempt at this greatest of all occasions that were a bit… different to how they do it in Germany. Firstly, PLASTIC mass glasses and wine carafes. PLASTIC! And there were also two security guards and one cop per person. I suppose both of these details are a necessary evil in these parts.
It was only £2.50 to get in to the beer tent (good) and there wasn’t any allocated seating (also good, although if it had been full it would have been a problem).
The two biggest heartbreaks were the beer and the food. We had tickets for a meal and ordering it was quite the comedy of errors. After the third delivery of wrong food, the waiter actually had a tantrum and walked off. I had to chase after him and dry his tears and coax him into doing his damn job properly. Lucky I am so persuasive. This was at about 7pm, when the tent was still half empty and everyone was still sober. That little bitch would have had one of the longest nights of his life if he couldn’t cope with our table.
The one on the right is either a plate of sauce or sauerkraut mixed with mashed potato (two of the things we didn’t order but received anyway)
No.
My problem with the beer is also two-part; the fact that it was MID-STRENGTH, and also £8.50 for a big one – which wasn’t even a litre! You should see the look on my face as I am typing this. Chloe and I had one ‘mass’ each and realised that we could sit there drinking that watered down, not-even-German shit all night and walk out of there not even the tinest bit wobbly.
I panicked and bought two bottles of wine, hoping that it, at least, would have alcohol in it. I was disappointed, of course, as they had watered it down too. WITH WATER. I wish I was joking. And I know what you must be thinking; pissed bitch yells at bar staff because she is so drunk she can’t taste the alcohol in her beverage. No, dear reader. I was as sober as a judge, and so was Chloe.
We had started to lose our sense of humour at this stage. We had paid good money – far too much good money – for this watered-down crap, so good ole Chlo went and complained to the arse behind the bar and made him open two new bottles and tip them into a carafe in front of us. Ha.
my hero
I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.
But time travel hasn’t been invented yet.
Stop, stop, stop, you don’t have to drink the whole thing!
And another thing. Wearing a dirndl has never before put me at a disadvantage…
… but at Glasgow’s Oktoberfest, it was a huge mistake – everybody thought I worked there. Worse, because my dirndl was different to the actual staff (mine was blue and covers my ass, theirs were pink and didn’t) I was mistaken for some sort of authority figure, so people were coming to me with their problems all night. “Where’s our food”, “we ordered 6 beers but only got 5”, etc etc etc. Gah!
Jenny gets the money shot
So, for any of you thinking of attending the Glasgow Green Oktoberfest this or next weekend, here are my hints. Arrive drunk, and find or win a lot of money that you don’t mind wasting on non-alcoholic beer and wine before you go. Also, don’t be awesome and wear a dirndl, and wear wellington boots because they erected the tent on a bog.
Oh, and don’t use the Groupon £15 for two tickets offer – it’s the worst value for money ever. The allocated seating doesn’t exist, you only get a half-pint of MID-STRENGTH beer, you have no choice with the food they give you (which is two nasty little Farmfoods sausages on a plate of chips) and all that shit bought separately would come in cheaper.
Humph. I’m all annoyed now. I am actually most pissed off with myself for panic-drinking that wine. A huge rip off that ended the night early. What a waste! Oh well, there will be plenty more opportunities to unleash my inner German beast.
Until such a time, here’s Scorpions. They’re German, and awesome.
There you go. It looks better on my Instagram – are you following me? Get on it. www.instagram.com/imogenmaxwell
After all the chit-chat about getting into college and moving cities etc etc, we’re back to mucking about with the facepaint – the whole original point of this flog.
Here are the tasty boys from Jettblack with “Less Torque, More Thrust” to celebrate.
You can’t actually see them in that video obviously, so click here to be taken to some topless photos of them I just happen to have on archive.
It’s all go here at ImogenMaxwell.com this month; my birthday is coming…
… my new smart phone has made me 100% more obnoxious…
… and I’ve got new digs in Glasgow. I move early August into the most friggin’ gorgeous flat I’ve seen in real life. From the swamp of responses I received to my gumtree ad, a lone flower emerged from the mire… well, crap analogy but anyway, the best response to my ad led me to three girls around my age with a spare room in the west end. Score!
they don’t know I look like this in the morning. Yet.
So that’s it. I’m moving to Glasgow, decision made. I now have the timetable for my course, I’m there 4 days a week (annoying) but have Friday-Saturday-Sunday off (excellent).
Makeup Forever aqua cream shadows, Illamasqua powder shadow and sealing gel
Anyhoo. Today’s hair metal classic is another wee diamond with a slightly WTF opening sequence, Summertime Girls by Californian poodle-permers Y & T. Within this video you’ll find a wide world of 80s wonder – men in crop tops, a bikini that looks like pubes (why why why), a “heavy metal detector” detecting one of the band members buried under the sand, an actual mermaid and painfully high-cut swimwear that only the 80s can do.
It’s this kind of fun, feel-good, dumb ole rock-n-roll that really makes summer, for me; it’s sure as shit not the drizzle, 90mph wind and 11-degree days here on the west coast of Scotland. Enjoy!
Here’s Loz modelling the Speckle nail polish (colour: Scarce) from Illamasqua’s newest collection, I’MPERFECTION.
Nice, innit?
As you can see, Loz is a married woman so to all you hand-fetishists that creep around on here, don’t even think about it. But wouldn’t you say this makes a classic, yet subtley-different nail look for a bride?
By the way, this is polish applied by me drunk in the pub, with no top or base coat, and it’s been on for 2 days already. Illamasqua nail polish wears really well and stays shiny, get amongst it! Review coming soon of the excellent matte top coat I bought at the same time… 😀
You like posts with photos of me in the nuddy the best?
You’re only human.
But anyway, I didn’t put black lipstick with pink lipliner on to discuss that. No. I’m here to deliver the interesting-only-to-me news that my Jettblack tickets arrived.
I love Jettblack because Jon Dow.
I’m pretty sure he wrote this song about me, which is awesome because I think it’s the best love song I’ve ever heard. I very much look forward to meeting him and moving our relationship to the next level (reality).
Chloe is coming to see them too, of course. She still owes me (and will always owe me) for the Hanson/Kelly Clarkson double-whammy.
She was quite surprised when I breathlessly showed her the photo of my future-husband Jon, as she was expecting Jettblack to be in their fifties at least. Just like every other band I’ve made her come see.
Happy hair-metal weekend, rocklings.
*No mullets were harmed in the making of this post – it’s just tied up.
PPPS Oh yeah, this is a makeup blog. So here’s a tip, I can’t remember where I saw it so I do apologise if I’ve nicked this from another beauty blogger who I’m now not crediting… but I’m pretty sure I saw it in a magazine so hopefully no harm done. Anyway. Make the darkest part of your eyebrows at the arch to make them look fuller, not the inside corner like you might think. Boom.
PPPPS I STILL haven’t heard from Clydebank College about whether I’ll be offered a place on the HND in Makeup Artistry…
I put the brown-eye contact lens in for this. Considering that I knew all along the picture would be in black and white, I hope you admire my dedication and attention to detail. Dedicated enough to have an orange mullet in 2013, but not dedicated enough to shave my eyebrows off.
There is an exhibition at the V&A in London called “David Bowie is” until some time in August. I am desperate to get down to it, so I think that’s what I’ll do for my birthday in July. Yes. Go down to London for a few days with Chloe.
Mum and Dad are talking about visiting from Australia in July. Dad could take us to see where he grew up and tell us stories while we throw rocks into the Thames. I could have almost my whole family there to watch me get old (minus big sis Phoebe, who is also my birthday buddy – we were born on the same day but three years apart).
So, my Snazaroo colours have arrived from eBay – Grass Green, Bright Green, White and Black (in case anyone wants a pint of Guinness painted on their cheek). I wasn’t able to get hold of any green glitter anywhere in Oban; seems everyone has the same idea, AND is more organised than I am.
And here I am, on reception in the hostel, practicing painting shamrocks on the back of my hand.
In other green makeup news, I used the ole Illamasqua sealing liquid on Chloe the other night, in a St Paddy’s take on the classic feline-flicked eye.
She commented that once it had set, it felt a bit tight and weird on her eyes. I haven’t had that problem using it on myself, but maybe I was laying it on her a bit thick.
Another cautionary tale; I started doing the flick using the Maybelline Eye Studio 24 Hour Colour Tattoo in black, but it didn’t really work out. As regular readers are aware, I am a huge fan of those lil pots of metallic colour perfection, but I can now say I think they’re best suited for a wash of colour, a smokey eye or as a primer on which to build powder colours. For precision work, I had trouble getting a clean and opaque line.
Yes, Colin does have leopard-print lips there. Just a few teasers for an upcoming post 😉 Right after this last photo was taken, Nothing Compares To You by Sinead O’Connor came on, which is Colin’s favourite song, and we had a huge and very emotional sing-along – so there’s the answer to yesterday’s caption competition riddle, for those following on Facebook.
Stay tuned, and I hope you don’t feel too green the day after your St Patrick’s Day celebrations! xX
Have you ever been all dressed up for a night out, bit o’ skin on show, done up to the nines, feeling fab… only to find Facebook peppered with photos like THIS the next day?
Oh no, the dreaded GHOST FACE! And all because of a sneaky, cheeky little ingredient that’s found in almost all skin makeup; titanium dioxide. Sounds evil and poisonous, but in fact titanium dioxide is one of the most effective absorbers/refractors of skin damaging UVA/UVB rays from the sun. As most makeup, moisturiser and face powders have a Sun Protection Factor in them these days, it’s almost certainly on your face right now as you read this.
Titanium dioxide also happens to be the most commonly used white pigment in the world, because it’s the whitest thing there is.
It’s in everything. Milk. Paper. Toothpaste. Ink. The lines around the edge of the tennis court. Sunscreen. And like I said, almost certainly in your foundation; definitely if it’s got an SPF in it.
And it’s how you can end up with the white-face-brown-body effect; the bright light of the flash is picked up and reflected by it, potentially leading to this:
You have to go looking for them, but there are foundations that don’t contain an SPF and/or titanium dioxide. For foundation for flash photography, Revlon Colourstay and L’Oreal True Match are decent ‘high street/drug store’ ones, or Make Up Forever (a bit pricier). MAC Face & Body foundation is one that’s recommended by a lot of makeup artists for use in flash photography. For anyone wishing to recreate my natural sun-kissed glow, I used Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse in Cocoa.
It also depends a bit on your skin type; while an oily finish will make skin look shiny ergo paler under flash, one that’s too matte can be ashy and ageing. But in the interests of avoiding the ghost-face thing, look for a matte rather than shimmery finish.
If you’re just working with what you’ve already got, have a look at the ingredients in your foundation; titanium dioxide is usually listed as one of the last ingredients. So if you know that it’s there, and you know you’re going to be flash-photographed, you can do something about it.
It’s not just fake tan that can give the unwanted contrast; even if you’re just naturally olive skinned and wearing makeup that looks like a perfect match in the mirror, the flash can still pick it up. To give an even all-over colour in flash photographs, just mix a bit of your foundation into a body lotion (or use a moisturiser with SPF) and apply liberally all over your chest/shoulders/neck/arms/wherever there’s bare skin near your face.
If you use any kind of setting/finishing powder over your foundation, this can be a culprit too! An even WORSE culprit, in fact, as powders don’t often label themselves as SPF, but usually they do have titanium dioxide in them. So you’ve really got to go looking to see if it’s there. I’m still searching for the perfect powder but I think MAC Blot Powder is pretty damn close – and it comes in a lot of shades so you can get the perfect match. And hopefully avoid this:
That Will Smith song has been in my head for days, and now we must all suffer. Let’s get it out the way at the beginning of the post so we can put it behind us, move on and never speak of it again. So Thursday was a big day – a visit from […]
I strongly dislike airbrushing. It’s frustrating. The guns we use at college aren’t the best, and it’s impossible to clean them properly. That, and our class is 20-odd chicas, so we all have to share. Everything. All the time. There’s one of each thing we need, and 20 people wanting to use it at the […]
Which is why I find myself covered in aspirin and honey, and a head full o’ bleach on a Sunday night. I went to visit Melissa and Che in Edinburgh last night, cos I’m spontaneous like that. We watched Pretty Woman, Che and I got drunk and Melissa didn’t because she’s pregnant, and I made […]
Only my second week at makeup school and I’ve shaved my eyebrows off. Remember kids, if you DO shave your eyebrows off, you’ll need to learn how to quick-draw your emotions. This week, I have also been learning AIRBRUSHING! In the chair is my college, carpool, Facebook, and real life friend Sinead. We spray-painted each […]
If you’re an avid Imogen Maxwell fan, you’ll have noticed an unusual amount of activity on my Instagram recently. That’s because I am unemployed and have no friends. But considering I am unemployed and have no friends, I’ve been keeping quite busy. Let me tell you about my first week at college. The journey there […]
digital imologue 