das Wochenende

19 Oct

Today’s post is about two German things.  One of them is Agi, the other is the Glasgow Oktoberfest.

remember when I went to Germany in May?  https://imogenmaxwell.com/2013/05/10/life-is-a-biergarten/

remember when I went to Germany in May?

First things first.

On Thursday I partied with these sexy mofos up in Oban.

United nations.

United nations.

It was also attempt #2 at my second wig assessment with Agi as my model.  Regular readers will remember LAST Thursday’s disaster when the assessment during class time had to be abandonned.  It went much better this time around!

Here’s the step-by-step in pictures.

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

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I used… Ben Nye eyeshadows in Green As Fuck and Golden Shower (not real eyeshadow names, I just can’t be bothered going to check) mixed with Illamasqua sealing gel.  The black outline is a Barry M liquid liner, the white is that white cream makeup I’ve mentioned a million times.  I don’t think it has a brand.  Get on eBay and search for “white cream makeup”, the one I use looks like this:

white cream makeup

… but I think they’re all pretty similar.  What is not similar is the price.  If you buy that ish in a costume shop, you’re looking at about £12.  Online it’s £1.75.  Sorry local business, but I just can’t.  When I start earning proper money I will support you again, but for now, it’s online all the way.

Anyway, the foundation is Illamasqua Rich Liquid and the blush is a MAC Mineralize one that I am quite fond of.  The wig is a cheapy from eBay as well.  It’s actually got a long side-fringe but it was pinned out the way to show the anime eyes.

Hopefully this will fly with the college.  They weren’t too in love with the idea of me doing the assessment not-at-college, but you know me, flogstars.  I like to just go for it anyway.

So that was Thursday.  On Friday Chloe and I returned to Glasgow, I quickly threw on my dirndl and we were out the door sharpish for the Glasgow Oktoberfest with a handful of our other pals from Oban.

"Squeezy" Lou and Chloe

“Squeezy” Lou and Chloe

As a beer-festival expert, I noticed a few things about Scotland’s attempt at this greatest of all occasions that were a bit… different to how they do it in Germany.  Firstly, PLASTIC mass glasses and wine carafes.  PLASTIC!  And there were also two security guards and one cop per person.  I suppose both of these details are a necessary evil in these parts.

It was only £2.50 to get in to the beer tent (good) and there wasn’t any allocated seating (also good, although if it had been full it would have been a problem).

The two biggest heartbreaks were the beer and the food.  We had tickets for a meal and ordering it was quite the comedy of errors.  After the third delivery of wrong food, the waiter actually had a tantrum and walked off.  I had to chase after him and dry his tears and coax him into doing his damn job properly.  Lucky I am so persuasive.  This was at about 7pm, when the tent was still half empty and everyone was still sober.  That little bitch would have had one of the longest nights of his life if he couldn’t cope with our table.

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The one on the right is either a plate of sauce or sauerkraut mixed with mashed potato (two of the things we didn’t order but received anyway)

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No.

My problem with the beer is also two-part; the fact that it was MID-STRENGTH, and also £8.50 for a big one – which wasn’t even a litre!  You should see the look on my face as I am typing this.  Chloe and I had one ‘mass’ each and realised that we could sit there drinking that watered down, not-even-German shit all night and walk out of there not even the tinest bit wobbly.

I panicked and bought two bottles of wine, hoping that it, at least, would have alcohol in it.  I was disappointed, of course, as they had watered it down too.  WITH WATER.  I wish I was joking.  And I know what you must be thinking; pissed bitch yells at bar staff because she is so drunk she can’t taste the alcohol in her beverage.  No, dear reader.  I was as sober as a judge, and so was Chloe.

We had started to lose our sense of humour at this stage.  We had paid good money – far too much good money – for this watered-down crap, so good ole Chlo went and complained to the arse behind the bar and made him open two new bottles and tip them into a carafe in front of us.  Ha.

my hero

my hero

I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.

I look at this photo and want to travel back in time and stop myself from drinking it.

But time travel hasn't been invented yet.

But time travel hasn’t been invented yet.

Stop, stop, stop, you don't have to drink the whole thing!

Stop, stop, stop, you don’t have to drink the whole thing!

And another thing.  Wearing a dirndl has never before put me at a disadvantage…

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… but at Glasgow’s Oktoberfest, it was a huge mistake – everybody thought I worked there.  Worse, because my dirndl was different to the actual staff (mine was blue and covers my ass, theirs were pink and didn’t) I was mistaken for some sort of authority figure, so people were coming to me with their problems all night.  “Where’s our food”, “we ordered 6 beers but only got 5”, etc etc etc.  Gah!

Jenny gets the money shot

Jenny gets the money shot

So, for any of you thinking of attending the Glasgow Green Oktoberfest this or next weekend, here are my hints.  Arrive drunk, and find or win a lot of money that you don’t mind wasting on non-alcoholic beer and wine before you go.  Also, don’t be awesome and wear a dirndl, and wear wellington boots because they erected the tent on a bog.

Oh, and don’t use the Groupon £15 for two tickets offer – it’s the worst value for money ever.  The allocated seating doesn’t exist, you only get a half-pint of MID-STRENGTH beer, you have no choice with the food they give you (which is two nasty little Farmfoods sausages on a plate of chips) and all that shit bought separately would come in cheaper.

Humph.  I’m all annoyed now.  I am actually most pissed off with myself for panic-drinking that wine.  A huge rip off that ended the night early.  What a waste!  Oh well, there will be plenty more opportunities to unleash my inner German beast.

Until such a time, here’s Scorpions.  They’re German, and awesome.

xX happy Saturday, tiny dancers

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2 Responses to “das Wochenende”

  1. Aldo October 21, 2013 at 12:38 pm #

    “Arrive drunk, and find or win a lot of money that you don’t mind wasting on non-alcoholic beer and wine before you go. Also, don’t be awesome and wear a dirndl, and wear wellington boots because they erected the tent on a bog.” Best. Advice. Ever. (I was there on Friday, too. I did wear wellies – *smug face* – but it was SO overpriced!!)

  2. Caz October 23, 2013 at 7:57 pm #

    Nothing will ever beat German Beer in a German beer garden.

    Deutschland ist wunderbar 🙂

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