Tag Archives: BOOBS

cheap trick

2 Aug

I got my THRIFTY badge when I was a girl guide and this is why:

bastard boobs busting my bra

bastard boobs busting my bra

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underwire, under control

Because I sew my errant underwire back in with dental floss, so it ne’er budges again.  Seriously, try it, and you’ll also have minty-fresh boosies to boot.  Use it to sew buttons back on if you never want them to pop off ever again.  Unbreakable stuff, that dental floss.

I wouldn’t be going all post-war-Poland on my underwear if it wasn’t thirty bucks a pop.  That’s right; the EXPENSIVE perils of being stacked up front.  You lot think it’s all swanning about getting free drinks and whatnot, mais non.

And I’m a student now, you see.  No more of my glorious champagne lifestyle, it’s all spam and spumante for me.

Thank god my older sister Phoebe got me a Bravissimo voucher for my birthday, don't know how much longer that bad boy's going to hold out.

Thank god my favourite older sister Phoebe got me a Bravissimo voucher for my birthday, don’t know how much longer that bad boy’s going to hold out.

Which segues neatly into how I’m going to support myself once my ENORMOUS salary from the Backpackers gets pruned back to practically nothing.  I don’t have the answer to that yet, so while I find a second job, I’ll be filling in surveys on http://www.valuedopinions.co.uk to earn Amazon vouches to keep myself in Wayne’s World wigs and Sex Pistols CDs (they really should put a breathalyser on the Wish List somehow).

Anyway.  Here’s Cinderella with Gypsy Road, which is where I’m headed with this slow-but-stylish slide into destitution.  The song isn’t about a fledgling makeup artist struggling to buy bras, more about shagging and getting into bar fights, but you get the idea.

 

 

PS Makeup-related bargain while we’re on the subject of penny-pinching – here are those Iron Fist Zombie Stomper nail stickers on sale, 50% off!  Get in!

http://www.thisispulp.co.uk/item/womens-accessories-stickers_iron-fist-zombie-stomper-nail-sticker_94_581_10229_1.html

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casting now for body double

22 May

As this blog is written by someone who actually has “hand-wash dirndl” and “write to Amish pen-pal” on this week’s To Do list, it won’t surprise you to hear that this weekend presents yet another party at which I am expected to dazzle.

And also as you would expect, any party involves dress-ups, if you’re me.  Anyone who has ever been to a dress up party knows that this always, always presents a plethora of dilemmas.

While I’ve been called worse things than the Colossus of Costume, obviously I have a reputation to uphold.  And a delicate chord to strike; this is a work function, after all.  It’s the grand opening of our new building.  All of Oban’s titans of industry (????) will be in attendance.

I must present myself as professional!

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Capable!

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Confident!

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Approachable!

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Not a liability, in any way!

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Auditioning now for body doubles.

Are YOU coming on Saturday?  Open day and canapes at Backpackers Plus, see y’all there.

Also, what should I do with my hair?  I feel like I’m ‘between haircuts’ at the minute and would really appreciate some sensible suggestions, such as “get extensions to make it even more mullet-y”.

smiles all round

14 May
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I’m too sexy for this tooth

I got back from Germany yesterday, and back to Oban about 3 hours ago, to find a package waiting for me.  From the one and only glorious, gorgeous Irene!

In amongst a whole lot of fabulous goodies, there was some tooth blackening enamel, attractively modelled by me above.  Can’t wait to get busy creeping everyone out with this!

In the meantime, I’m freakin’ shattered from all the beer I had to drink last weekend, so … I’ll have to come up with something more intelligent for Thursday’s post.  Look forward to it, dear reader, you know what I’m like Xx

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mullet + biker boots + dirndl = ??

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my nasty little plait is no match for Chloe’s

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but I am getting better at fish-tail plaiting!

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sober

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