Tag Archives: music

eyeliner is not just for eyes

22 Feb

I know I promised you a juicy flog post all about my long weekend in Denmark, but…  The vodka and energy drink has erased my memory of most of it, and my camera had a nice relaxing holiday in Kastrup airport’s lost property office for the whole 5 days I was away, so there is no pictorial evidence either.

Apart from phone-photos.  And this is the type of photo I take on my phone.

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So today’s flog post is STORY TIME, from the What I’ve Learned archive.

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This, flogstars, is a photo of my free ticket to the Steel Panther concert.

Irene and I didn’t have regular tickets, because we’re fucking hustlers and also really disorganised and forgot to buy them in time.  So, humiliatingly, on the night of the concert we were stationed out the front of the venue, next to a bunch of strippers handing out flyers.  (The strippers were handing out flyers, we weren’t.)

We were begging people on their way in to the venue.  Irene and I were hoping people would have spare tickets to sell.  One person had one.  One.  So we bought it for 250DKK, then swiftly resold it for 300DKK because we are dirty dirty scalpers.

We wisely used that 50DKK profit to buy two mostly-empty beers (pictured) from a couple who had already been inside, and they also kindly threw in a look at their wrist-stamp too.  I scanned the stamp with my photo-laser eyes, took my eyeliner out of my purse and replicated it on our wrists.

Then we marched right on inside with our beers held high to signify that we had already been in, flashing our ‘stamps’, and quickly melted into the crowd.

we knew our place: up the back BEHIND all the paying-people, spending lots of money at the bar to atone

we knew our place: up the back BEHIND all the paying-people, spending lots of money at the bar to atone

Stealing from performing artists isn’t cool, kids, but the fact of the matter is that I am practically a shareholder in the Steel Panther franchise, having paid to see them live thrice and having bought five copies of their first album and 3 of their second album (I’m not even kidding – copies for each vehicle in my fleet plus gifts to friends).

So while I’m not suggesting that you start pirating about all over the place, that’s how to sneak in if you ever have the need.

Next in the What I’ve Learned series: How To Get Backstage.  Here’s a sneak preview.  Step one – have blonde hair and big boobs.  Step two – just go back there, seriously, there’s usually nothing or no one to stop you, and if you’re not screeching/being a dick/stealing their beer, they’ll usually let you stay.

You’re welcome.

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body painting, week 1

1 Oct
me, awkwardly failing the pencil test since... oh, 1997?

me, awkwardly failing the pencil test since… oh, 1997?

Today was our first bodypainting session.  Our tutor Janet demonstrated a few techniques, painting a black corset with gold lace and roses, on one of our brave and gorgeous classmates (Jen), who was an awfully good sport about the whole thing.

Here’s the one photo I took, of everyone being pervy and taking photos of Jen with her baps out.

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I asked Jen’s  permission to upload this photo here, on my flog.

“Jen”, I said solemnly, “It is one thing to stand topless in front of 20 of your silent, gawping classmates for an hour while Janet paints your nips.  It’s one thing to have a photo of your blacked-out rack all over Facebook, but quite another to have it on this, the greatest flog in all the land, a modern-day oracle, revered by titans of the cosmetic industry, creators, producers, artists, muses, rebels, waifs, designers, dreamers and lovers alike.  Are you SURE you don’t mind me publishing this smartphone photo of your side-boob to the finest minds on the internet, my international audience of millions?  Think carefully Jen, are you ready to become iconic, timeless, an indelible mark on the annals of cultural history, a part of the Imosphere… forever?”

Jen did one better.  “Course it’s fine, I’ve got some better pics if you’d prefer to use those, I’m not shy!”

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Then it was everyone else’s turn to strip off and give it a go.  We are all much better acquainted now.

This is what I whipped up in my first attempt:

only took me like ten minutes, too.  LOL, this is not, I repeat NOT, my work, I totally stole this image from ... holy shit, I lost my reference page.  Not good.  Sorry, whoever this belongs to.  UGH, this is the WORST blog etiquette, Imogen, the WORST.  Not taking the picture down, mind, it's too cool.  Forgive me, blog gods.

only took me like ten minutes, too. LOL, this is not, I repeat NOT, my work, I totally stole this image from … holy shit, I lost my reference page. Not good. Sorry, whoever this belongs to. UGH, this is the WORST blog etiquette, Imogen, the WORST. Not taking the picture down, mind, it’s too cool. Forgive me, blog gods.

Moving on, the afternoon class (Basic Makeup) involved me being cruelly separated from my beloved study-buddy Sinead, and paired with the equally delightful Magda:

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hope y’all aren’t sick of these mirror photos, there are SO MANY more to come

who did this ‘basic 4-shadow blend’ on my mug:

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everyone else in the class has nailed their ‘face for when a close-up photo is being taken of your makeup’ – not this guy.

And that was all in a day’s work, best beloved.  I’m pooped.

pURGR

 

A song before bedtime, you say?  Go on.

Here’s Eels with The Good Old Days, from the album Shootenanny! (the exclamation mark is part of the album title, not just my enthusiastic punctuation).  This song choice will surprise regular readers, who normally brace themselves for some terrible 80s hair metal at this time of the flog.  I chose this song because I couldn’t get a link to All In A Day’s Work from the same album, and also because it’s beautiful, and nice and mellow for this time of night.

What is Shootenanny! doing in my CD collection, if I also own not one but TWO Iron Maiden albums?  I’ll tell you.  I was going to save this story for publication in a fucking epic post in which I interview myself, but let’s treat ourselves.

The most sensible new year’s resolution I ever had was to buy one new album every payday.  I might reinstate that one actually, when I have paydays again that is, LOL.  Anyhoo, Eels had a song on the radio that I liked, so I bought their album, loved it, then went to their show at the Thebarton Theatre in Adelaide, when they toured.  This would have been about ten years ago.

Of every live music performance I have ever seen, and not to brag or anything but I have seen shitloads, Eels are the only band I’ve seen who kept playing after the show really was over.  And I mean over.  I don’t mean an encore.  Lights were on, power was shut off, everyone had left.  There was probably a lone wee guy sweeping up empty plastic beer cups.  Still they kept going.  My pal EJ and I were there until almost the bitter end; I don’t know how long they actually kept playing for, and the only reason I know for sure that they’re not still going on that very same stage is because I have seen other shows there since.

Anyway, Shootenanny! is a great album, and reminds me of… a time in my life that was technically a bit shit in a few ways, I hated my job for example, but music that makes you remember anything always makes you a bit fond, doesn’t it.

 

it’s raining rock n’ roll

23 Mar

What’s that you say?

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You like posts with photos of me in the nuddy the best?

You’re only human.

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But anyway, I didn’t put black lipstick with pink lipliner on to discuss that.  No.  I’m here to deliver the interesting-only-to-me news that my Jettblack tickets arrived.

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I love Jettblack because Jon Dow.

the man I'm going to marry

I’m pretty sure he wrote this song about me, which is awesome because I think it’s the best love song I’ve ever heard.  I very much look forward to meeting him and moving our relationship to the next level (reality).

Chloe is coming to see them too, of course.  She still owes me (and will always owe me) for the Hanson/Kelly Clarkson double-whammy.

imo at kelly clarkson

She was quite surprised when I breathlessly showed her the photo of my future-husband Jon, as she was expecting Jettblack to be in their fifties at least.  Just like every other band I’ve made her come see.

Happy hair-metal weekend, rocklings.

*No mullets were harmed in the making of this post – it’s just tied up.

PS Here’s a fun photo effects thingy – http://pixlr.com/o-matic/

PPS For my photo-editing I use http://www.photoscape.org

PPPS Oh yeah, this is a makeup blog.  So here’s a tip, I can’t remember where I saw it so I do apologise if I’ve nicked this from another beauty blogger who I’m now not crediting… but I’m pretty sure I saw it in a magazine so hopefully no harm done.  Anyway.  Make the darkest part of your eyebrows at the arch to make them look fuller, not the inside corner like you might think.  Boom.

PPPPS I STILL haven’t heard from Clydebank College about whether I’ll be offered a place on the HND in Makeup Artistry…

… the suspense is killing me…

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