Tag Archives: profit

eyeliner is not just for eyes

22 Feb

I know I promised you a juicy flog post all about my long weekend in Denmark, but…  The vodka and energy drink has erased my memory of most of it, and my camera had a nice relaxing holiday in Kastrup airport’s lost property office for the whole 5 days I was away, so there is no pictorial evidence either.

Apart from phone-photos.  And this is the type of photo I take on my phone.

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So today’s flog post is STORY TIME, from the What I’ve Learned archive.

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This, flogstars, is a photo of my free ticket to the Steel Panther concert.

Irene and I didn’t have regular tickets, because we’re fucking hustlers and also really disorganised and forgot to buy them in time.  So, humiliatingly, on the night of the concert we were stationed out the front of the venue, next to a bunch of strippers handing out flyers.  (The strippers were handing out flyers, we weren’t.)

We were begging people on their way in to the venue.  Irene and I were hoping people would have spare tickets to sell.  One person had one.  One.  So we bought it for 250DKK, then swiftly resold it for 300DKK because we are dirty dirty scalpers.

We wisely used that 50DKK profit to buy two mostly-empty beers (pictured) from a couple who had already been inside, and they also kindly threw in a look at their wrist-stamp too.  I scanned the stamp with my photo-laser eyes, took my eyeliner out of my purse and replicated it on our wrists.

Then we marched right on inside with our beers held high to signify that we had already been in, flashing our ‘stamps’, and quickly melted into the crowd.

we knew our place: up the back BEHIND all the paying-people, spending lots of money at the bar to atone

we knew our place: up the back BEHIND all the paying-people, spending lots of money at the bar to atone

Stealing from performing artists isn’t cool, kids, but the fact of the matter is that I am practically a shareholder in the Steel Panther franchise, having paid to see them live thrice and having bought five copies of their first album and 3 of their second album (I’m not even kidding – copies for each vehicle in my fleet plus gifts to friends).

So while I’m not suggesting that you start pirating about all over the place, that’s how to sneak in if you ever have the need.

Next in the What I’ve Learned series: How To Get Backstage.  Here’s a sneak preview.  Step one – have blonde hair and big boobs.  Step two – just go back there, seriously, there’s usually nothing or no one to stop you, and if you’re not screeching/being a dick/stealing their beer, they’ll usually let you stay.

You’re welcome.

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