Lichtenstein cartoon pop-art makeup

21 Feb

For Halloween 2012, Chloe wanted a Lichtenstein-style pop-art cartoon face to match her favourite comic-strip skirt.  And I was like, bring it on.

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We decided against the small-pox dots all over the face, mostly because by the time we got to that stage, we were running sooooo late for the party that there simply wasn’t time.

Pretty much, I just went to town on her with a black liquid liner.  Starting the eyebrows higher in the inside corner, and ending them lower on the outside creates a miserable, about-to-cry expression, as if by magic.  Try it, and you’ll have everyone coming up to you all night, saying “are you OK?”

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The tear was a work of art, if I do say so myself.  Shiny and long-lasting thanks to MAC Liquid Last eyeliner and with extra sparkle, care of MAC Pigment.

So off we went to our party.  Me, Chloe and Zoe Winehouse.

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May I remind you all that this boo-hoo expression on Chloe’s face is drawn on, she’s actually not pulling a face at all.  Or she wasn’t, until we arrived at the party…

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and Faron was also a Lichtenstein-inspired cartoony face!  OMFG!

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And Chloe ripped off her wig in a rage, and was all like, waaaaah.

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The end.

Or was it?….

In the thrilling sequel to today’s post, CHLOE WEARS A DIFFERENT BLONDE WIG!  Stay tuned!

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men with makeup: Colin

19 Feb

Today we explore another type of non-permanent body decoration: indelible-pen nipple-art.

Allow me to introduce you to my favourite male housemate, Colin.

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That’s us on the California Zephyr from Chicago to San Francisco, in March 2012.  And here we are in Vegas, with my doing a shocking job of the Amplifier octopus on his arm.

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Sometimes we like to swap clothes, which works for me because he’s Scottish and in a kilt 100% of the time.  It also works for him because I dress like a man from the 80s.

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And of course, like any friend of mine who’s ever been in the same room as me, a bottle of vodka and a Sharpie, Colin is an esteemed member of the Pen Fifteen club.

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Colin is such a good sport, in fact, that he didn’t press charges when I did this to him:

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As I always say, that’s what friends are for.

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PS Here’s a photo of me, Chloe and Colin playing hooker-card snap on the Strip, because I know she’ll be pissed at me for making it look like she wasn’t even there for Road Trip 2012.

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let me run something up your flagpole

17 Feb

Going to the football?  Here, let me sort you out.

Here’s me on Australia Day in 2009 – we had an excellent party in the hostel that year, all down to other resident redhead Aussie at the time – Ken – who paid outstanding attention to detail and got in everyone’s favourite Australian delicacies (Toffee Apples, Milo, Chicos, Cherry Ripes, Burger Rings – you name it).

Anyway – these flags are all done with cream makeup/facepaint that’s available on eBay for a couple of bucks per tube.  Not sure if you can see on my blue face but it’s flaking to buggery – maybe I had it on too thick?  Or maybe it was a dud batch of paint.  The blue corner of the South African flag on Alewyn’s face suffered the same fate, while the rest of the facepaint lasted pretty well (not only on his face, but everyone else’s who came within smearing distance!)

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And Dos Tonis, getting ready to celebrate LOUDLY for the World Cup in 2010 (?? – is it every four years like the Olympics??)

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I’m not sure what was going on with Chloe’s makeup here; from memory we were at a dress up party (Morgan’s birthday?) and at the last minute hastily threw together her costume; I think she was a flag.  The dress she’s in was a floor length stripey beach-ball number and her face was just painted with the colours I had to hand that kind-of matched.  Heehee.  That was the day I first had my hair cut into a mullet (April or May 2012) by Oban’s one and only Karlos; it has since gone from strength to strength (in length).

Anyway.  Not an official flag according to the UN, but still.

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illamasqua sealing gel

15 Feb

Just a wee experiment with this product, which I bought a couple of weeks ago and only today got around to trying out.  It’s been raved about by all and sundry, the new miracle product to mix into your powder eyeshadow to instantly turn it into a high-density liquid liner.

I have been using a similar miracle product for years – called “water” – but I’m always up for trying these things out.

These shots were all taken after about 14 hours of wear and tear, including me intermittently rolling my eyes then squeezing them shut in frustration for 8 hours straight at college.

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oop, let’s see if we can crop that down a bit, less nose, more eyelid.

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and even closer…

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What we have here is MAC eyeshadow powder in Coppering (a daring reddish shade that if applied right, makes blue eyes insanely blue, and if applied even a little too heavy-handedly, makes one look as if one has a scorching case of pink-eye), mixed with a little – and I mean a tiny drop – of Illamasqua Sealing Gel, applied with a flat brush in a thin line, slightly winged out in a flick on the outer corner of the eye.

There’s a bit of Maybelline gel-cream eyeshadow (24 Hour Colour Tattoo in On and On Bronze) on my eyelids, although it’s mostly worn off, and Boots No. 7 brown mascara.

If you can only set aside 10 seconds for eye makeup yet want to look incredibly incredible, get your ring-fingertip into a pot of Maybelline 24 Hour Colour Tattoo and smear it on.  You cannot f_ck it up, I swear.  Shimmery, flattering colours for everyone!  The 24-Hour claim is a bald-faced lie, obviously, but the good news is that you can just pat it back into place if it does travel or crease during the course of the day.  Maybe she’s born with it, or maybe that’s just me and my greasy eyelids.

The MAC Coppering/Illamasqua Sealing Gel is all the way along the top lashline, right down into the inner corner of my eyes, and there it stayed all day, not a smudge or a wrinkle or a fade or a blur in sight.  I’m well impressed, Illamasqua.

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Sealing Gel, welcome to my makeup kit.

is that… Alice Cooper?

13 Feb

No.  It’s Grant in makeup and a wig!

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Why so sad, Alice-Grant?  Is it because my plan to see your performance in Edinburgh on Halloween last year fell through, and you’re all bummed out because one of your fans never got to see you live on stage?  I was disappointed, too – Chloe and I were going to go as Wayne and Garth.  But it was not to be.

I didn’t think tickets would sell out as fast as they did, then BOOM all of a sudden they were £140.  Damn the scalpers, damn them all to hell (but not the good part of hell where I will be roasting marshmallows with all my friends in due course – the bad part, for bad people who rip music fans off.  Hisss)

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Well.  As I always say, if you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself.  Didn’t get to meet Alice Cooper?  Just paint someone else up to look like him and voila.  We are the masters of our own destinies, the architects of our own fortunes, the creators of our own fan-girl photo opportunities, are we not?

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What we have here, for those curious about the technicalities, is MAC Paintpot in Blackground (that bad-boy’s been getting quite the workout lately, but it really is good stuff), just painted on with a concealer brush.

Add a black wig – I found this one under the reception desk – and fingerless stud faux leather gloves.  Borrow a leather jacket from a Spanish guy called Sergio (if you can find one), and Bob’s your uncle.  Or Grant’s your Alice.  Or whatever.

Have fun, dear children.

Twiggy and Bowie, Chloe and me

11 Feb

From the 1973 album Pin Ups, here is David Bowie posing with Twiggy.

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The face-outline thing reminds me of this:

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which was my bum-chinspiration for this:

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…which was Chloe in costume as this:

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I have always admired Boy George in his twilight years; he just paints over that wattle and expects us all to turn a blind eye.  What double chin?  Oh this ol’ bronzed acre of skin?  That’s a jawline you could shave parmesan on, friends, not a massive turkey gobbler.  Nothing to see here.

Anyway.  Back to Bowie.

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I’ve had my mullet trimmed (although it is not such a dark red as his), I’ve bought a brown contact lens and Chloe and I are both going bra-less today so there are no strap marks on our shoulders.  I’m so ready for this.

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It’s the morning after and I’m editing the photos from the Pin Ups session, and laughing my ass off.  Most of these aren’t fit for publication.  The kind of stuff you don’t want ending up on 9gag.  I’ve got a whole album of oh-god-why, right here.  Let’s see if I can tastefully crop them into something more family friendly.

Basically, the makeup took several hours and 4 litres of Lambrini.  We were both topless, drinking pints of mimosa all afternoon.  My housemates were quite surprised when they came in from their day skiing, but Zoe quickly regained her composure and took the final photos for us.

So here we go.  I don’t have a huge number of progress shots because the camera battery was running low, and I’m also not going to be able to name all the products I used; mostly because there is no point naming the ancient eye-shadows I’ve had for 10+ years that I bought in Australia.

This was my first proper attempt at covering eyebrows; there are a couple of ways you can do it, so I picked the cheaper one – glue stick!  Yes really.  I think I put too many layers on; on Chloe’s eyebrows at least I think one layer might have been enough.  In the YouTube videos I watched they were all going to town with several layers, built up with powder in between.

Anyway, here she is a with a monobrow created with Pritt-stick and Illamasqua Rich Liquid foundation.

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The Illamasqua Rich Liquid foundation was applied around the outside of her face, then all down Chloe’s neck, arms and chest to make her a nice golden-Twiggy colour (and I upped my own palour with Illamasqua Skin Base foundation, in the lightest shade).  The Rich Liquid is the densest coverage formula they’ve got, and it’s DENSE.  It-covers-tattoos-dense.

The face-outline was drawn on with a nude lip-liner, and the white Skin Base foundation went inside the outline.  At this stage, Chloe looked quite like a playing card somehow, so I popped my Red Queen wig on her just quickly, for fun:

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Then came the eyeshadow, which didn’t work out as well as I wanted it to – it was difficult blending the powder over such thick, sticky layers of foundation and dry glue stick.  It was frustrating.

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Finished with a LOT of black mascara, top and bottom, cos that was the way Twiggy rolled.  Light pink sparkly blush low down under the cheekbones and on the temples.  Nude lipliner and gold lipstick.  Blue headscarf.

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Then I did my own makeup.  My makeup is similar to Chloe’s – covered eyebrows, face outlined.  But I am snow white instead of white and tan.  I was wearing a matte taupe eyeshadow and brown mascara, and contact lenses.  I used a matte peach blush on my temples and under my cheekbones.

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And this is what we ended up with:

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What do you think?

I think Chloe pulls a very convincingly beatific Twiggy face there.

What I learned from this session:

– Always put whole afternoons aside for this kind of ambitious undertaking; when you’re flying blind, you need time on your side.  You don’t want to be rushed.

– Really thick, tan makeup looks amazing in photos and ridiculous in real life.

– Covering eyebrows is hard, although the dried glue stick wasn’t as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.  It retained a bit of flexibility so it didn’t flake off or peel up like I assumed it might.

– Teaching yourself can be satisfying and fun, however recently I’m feeling limited by not having the right tools or products, and I’m very aware of the huge gaps in my technical knowledge… and it’s frustrating.  I have the vision but it’s not always enough.

I try to stay positive and channel Kevyn when it’s not going the way I want; even when you’re making a complete dog’s breakfast of it, you’re still learning.

superheroes and villains

9 Feb

Let’s pretend we can save the world.  Save the world with makeup!

My friend Ian, who is big into all things cartoon-ish, had a Marvel Comics/cartoons/villains/heroes themed party for his 30th birthday in 2011.  Everyone made a huge effort and looked amazing – I bloody love a dress up party when everyone gets hard into it.  Ian himself was Superman.  Here’s me as The Red Queen, inspired by Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland.

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And at the same party, Alex as Sideshow Bob, Neil as a banana, and Morgan as Cheetara from Thundercats!

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I do love a good painted-on eye mask.  Speaking of which, last but not least, here I am as Australian supervillain ANZAC.  That’s my gimpy manservant Barbara in the background, humping Hostage 1.

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 Maybe I can’t save the world with makeup, but I can rule the world with cookies.  Watch the full video here: ANZAC!!!!!

Grant’s skull nails (freehand)

7 Feb

So, this was what I was trying to do.

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My handsome, hilarious, charismatic friend Canadian Ian emailed me that picture, knowing I love all things skull and nail art.  I screamed and decided to give it a go, enlisting my favourite hand model Grant and his nice big neat fingernails.

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I started off painting the ‘ribs’ hand black with Barry M Nail Paint in Black.  For the hand with the skulls, I painted a big white spot with my white nail striper from www.sparkly-nails.co.uk, outlined with my black nail striper.  Grant commented that this was a bit of a 60s/mod kind of look, and I agree – in fact it reminded me of these nails from MAC’s Glamour Daze collection (late 2012)….

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…which I tried to recreate on myself a few months ago, long before I owned nail stripers, I was painting the black on with a regular (ie, too thick) nail polish brush so it was impossible to get the thin lines I was after.  So I improvised and only did three sides of each nail, I thought they looked pretty funky and graphic.  I like the combination of candy pink and black.

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And here are those nails in action, just for fun.

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Anyway, back to the skulls.  They then transformed into panda feet and something kinda Aztec, when I painted the teeth on with my white nail striper.

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Before finally becoming what I think is a decent copy of the photo up the top of this post!

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In the original picture she’s got nail stickers on her thumbs; here’s me with two different types of Nail Rock stickers on my pinky and ring fingers (for some reason they WILL NOT stay on my middle and index fingers on either hand). 

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So what do you think?  Do you find fiddly nail art easy or does it take you FOREVER (like me!)?

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Thanks to Instagram Queen Carissa for the snaps of my nails!

Chloe’s budgie-eye

5 Feb

To begin, take 1 x sister who wants fancy feature eye makeup for a night at the pub.

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Chloe has very good skin, the lucky so-and-so, however I did still feel the need to use some colour-correcting concealer under her eyes, which can look quite blue.  (Agi calls under-eye bags ‘douche bags’, fun fact for today).

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Using a mini Benefit Realness of Concealness kit, I put the lemon-yellow concealer under Chloe’s eyes from the inside corner, down alongside her nose and back up under the eye again, kind of in a triangle if that makes more sense.  Boots green primer was buffed along her t-zone to correct redness, and Garnier BB cream in Light was used just under the cheekbones as it’s slightly darker than the light MAC tinted moisturiser I used sparingly over the whole face.

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lemon, lime, PURDY!

And now time for the budgerigar-inspired green and yellow smokey eye…

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Using MAC Paintpot in Pharaoh, MAC eyeshadows in Wondergrass and Eyepopping and MAC Pigment in Chartreuse, it’s a standard smokey eye … but green!   Woooo.  The Paintpot creme eyeshadow goes on first to give the powder shadow something to stick to, intensifying its colour.  

The darker powder shadow is in the outer corner of the eye and underneath, and the lighter shadow blended out from the inner corner with the glitter pigment applied on top.  The pigment is messy (or maybe it’s just me), so I press it on carefully so it doesn’t go EVERYWHERE.

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and now for the finishing touches, with MAC Hi-light powder (this is a limited edition one that I bought in Australia about 100 years ago, from the Dame Edna range – check the catseye specs on the front).  I used two types of blush, because two types of a good thing at the same time is the secret to success.  

The two blushes are a MAC matte peachy-apricoty powder blush in Goddess, and a dirt-cheap-but-one-of-my-faves Miss Sporty brand blush (from Superdrug for about a quid, from memory) that’s a very pale and just-sparkly-enough pink.  

Eyebrows filled in with Maybelline eyebrow pencil in Dark Blonde, which is one of the best eyebrow pencils I’ve ever used – waxy, sticks to the hair not the skin, grooms perfectly.  And it’s the right price.  Wink.

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To finish, a bit of black eyeliner on the waterline and under the lashes (Chloe’s favourite part of getting her makeup done – NOT – but she is getting much much better at it).  The best eyeliner I’ve used cost me 50p from Primark.  The colour is INTENSE, it’s really soft and goes on like a dream, and lasts and lasts and lasts.  They have it in brown occasionally as well, and when I come across it, I stock up.  Recommended.  The mascara is Maybelline Colossal Volume in black.

Isn’t she pretty?

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bat bat

3 Feb

“Ermagherd, are they real?”

I get this a lot.  Strangers, friends and members of my own family alike have even reached out, closed them between their finger tips and given them a too-rough tweak to check if they’re the real deal.  And, dear reader, while they might look too good to be true, let me assure you that in all their full, perfectly curved perfection, they’re all mine.

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While a lot of you filthy animals out there will assume that I’m talking about my magnificent rack, may I remind you that this is a makeup blog and I’m talking of course about my eyelashes.  Inherited from my mother, they’re probably my favourite body part.  They’re long, thick and naturally curled.  Maybe they could be a bit darker, which is why we’re here talking about mascara.

If I know one thing, it’s everything about mascara.  So involved am I with my eyelashes that I would say I spend more time lovingly mascara’ing them than I do on any other part of my usual makeup routine.  Putting on mascara is one of my favourite things about being female, and I genuinely believe that you can have a bad-eyelash day.

Some may say that I take eyelashes perhaps a bit too seriously, but they also can’t deny that it’s something I do well, and I am often asked what’s what with mascara.  I have tried a LOT of mascaras in my time.  You wouldn’t probably be reading this blog if you weren’t also interested in makeup, so you’ll probably understand why it is completely reasonable to own and use fifteen different tubes at the one time.  Black, ultra-black, brown, brown-black, blue, green, ‘eggplant’, charcoal, navy, clear.  Waterproof, smudgeproof,  fade-proof, Titanic-proof, all-day, all-night, volumising.  thickening, enhancing, curling, long-lasting, easy-off, fibre-length, nourising-strength.

And that’s before we even approach the bewildering variety of falsies.  You can even get different coloured glue for your false lashes, for crying out loud.

Anyway.  There is a lot that I have to say about mascara, and I think I’ll leave product reviews for another time.  Here’s how I do it.  It’s all just my opinion, and personal preference will mean that not all of this will work for you.  It all depends on what kind of look you’re going for.

1.  Whatever I do to my eyelids, I do that first (eyeshadow, eyeliner etc)

2. Eyeliner (pencil, brown if I’m wearing brown mascara, otherwise black) goes underneath my top lashes.  Your eyes will water to buggery the first time you try it, but with practice you too will soon be scrubbing that pencil back and forth to grind as much pigment into your lash roots as you possibly can.  Why?  It makes your lashes look thicker.  Whether you’re doing it on your own eyes or on someone else, you’re best off going for the softest, meltiest pencil you can.  Pencils with a bit of colour or shimmer in them can add an interesting and subtle accent, too.

3. Mascara time!  All the usual tips about wiggling the brush right into the roots, zig-zagging it up to the tips of your lashes and so on and so forth.  If you’re going to do more than one coat, move quickly – if you let it dry between layers, it’s more likely to crumb and clump.  Remember, you can blink while you do it.  Having your mouth wide open (pref. with your tongue out) is recommended.  To apply mascara to your bottom lashes, narrow your eyes slightly to lift the lashline and make your bottom lashes stick out away from your skin.  When I apply mascara to other people, I get them to lift their chin a bit and look over my shoulder, and always remind them they can blink while you do it.  Their eyes won’t water if they’re allowed to blink.

The first coat of mascara for me is about brushing my lashes forwards.  Mine grow out at a bit of an angle towards my temples, like most people I would guess.  So I brush them forward with the first coat, and if I do a second coat, it’s either smoothing them back out for a winged effect (suits a smokey eye or a feline-flicked eyeliner nicely) or brushing them even more forward for what I tell myself is a wide-eyed, gamine look.

4. Personally I don’t fart about with lash curlers or lash combs, but if I’m putting false eyelashes on someone else I occasionally use a lash comb to blend the natural and false lashes together.  In my opinion lash curlers are overrated, even if your lashes are straight.   That’s cos I like poker-straight, downwards-growing lashes, I think they look cool.  And most falsies only flick up towards the tip anyway, so you don’t actually NEED to curl them if you don’t want to.  But having said that, I’ve seen some pretty impressive things done with lash curlers, so it could just be that I don’t know how to use them properly.  More practice.  Another area for improvement for me would be lash fibres, I haven’t ever really used them and I am curious.

The mascaras I use most often are a brown Boots No 7 mascara, and Maybelline Volume Express Colossal in black – I always come back to Maybelline for mascara, they’re unbeatable for everyday.  Good value, good formula, good brushes.  As I have long eyelashes I like to use the biggest fluffiest brush I can get my hands on, which is becoming less common these days.  A lot of brands seem to dedicate quite a bit of energy to developing these new amazing brushes that prevent clumps and so on, and I do like to try them if I get a chance – but I always prefer to use an ‘old-style’ mascara brush to really get into the roots.

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That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout.

So that’s my love letter to mascara.  Tell me your thoughts!