oh that’s handy

12 May
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ain’t nobody got time for that
http://www.kraseybeauty.com/

Do you want to try a new brand of foundation, but don’t want to fork out only to find it’s the wrong colour?  Don’t want to talk to the scary sales assistants?  Buying online and just aren’t sure?

Well check this website out:

findation.com

You can choose from their extensive list of existing brands and colours, enter the details of a product that you already have that you know matches your skin… and it’ll give you a choice of other brands and their colours that will (in theory) match you too!

Ta daaa!

life is a biergarten

10 May

I’m in Germany this weekend with Chloe, Ian and Alewyn, to meet up with a big group of our German friends for a beer festival.

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I got these yellow, red and black nail stripers from http://www.sparkly-nails.co.uk

This will be the third time I’ve been, and it’s always a lot of fun.  I love everything about Germany.  The people:

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fantasy

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reality

the party atmosphere…

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fantasy

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reality

… the food…

fantasy

fantasy

 

reality

reality

 

… the everything.  I’m looking forward to this lil holiday so much!  Time to whack on my dirndl, blow off some steam and go mental with the most efficient of party animals.

Don’t miss me too much xX

 

mysterious girl

8 May

Meet Carissa www.instagram.com/carisssssa

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I wish they all could be California girls

She is in Oban HelpXing at the Backpackers again for the FOURTH time – yes, that is how much of an excellent boss I am.  Never mind the fact that this technically means she has already left three times… she just can’t stay away.

But Carissa is more than an outstanding unpaid worker, she is also a very dear friend.  She is a creative soul, willing to indulge me, schmokin’ hawt and able to throw excellent poses.  Bingo.

As regular readers will know, I’ve gone a bit mad on the online wig procurement lately, and it seems silly not to put this transvestite treasure trove to good use.  I’ve always loved wigs, in fact, for my 21st birthday, BFF Sophie and I had a party together to celebrate, and the theme was… WIGS.

If memory serves, this was when I first dabbled in the mullet lifestyle.  I bought a big, bad, white-blonde Tina Turner/David Bowie-in-the-Labyrinth mullet and bloody loved it.  I wonder where that wig is now.  Probably in storage at Mum and Dad’s, bugger, I shouldn’t mention that because now they’re going to read this and bring up how much my crap is crapping up their garage.

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the only thing better than a wig, is TWO wigs

But anyway.  Carissa came over the other night and the green paint was still out from my date with a bunch of daffodils, so I was like, can I paint you green and draw a bunch of question marks between your boobs?

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literally, a human WTF

Like I said, she is a very good sport.

Carissa is a female Riddler.  She is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key.

wish my boobs were green...

wish my boobs were green…

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YOLO

YOLO

And then Chloe came home and wasn’t at all surprised because mad shit like this goes on all the time when you live with me.

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housemate wanted

housemate wanted

is it possible….

6 May

… to take a photo of your hand that DOESN’T look completely freaky?

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apparently not

These nails are inspired by Steven Tyler’s trousers in the Girls of Summer video. You haven’t seen it? That’s a shame. Here it is, watch it just quickly now.

I said “I love you” too soon…

4 May

…and Spring got scared off.

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So the shit weather is all my fault, sorry guys.

oh no!

2 May

self-imposed flog-every-other-day deadline is upon me again, but I have been moving house (well, moving business premises) and haven’t even showered today, let alone done anything awesome with makeup.

So, here we have another text-based post that probably no one will read, because let’s face it, you’re here for the pretty pictures.

Speaking of pretty pictures, here are a couple of links to places I go when I want to scroll through loads of pictures going “ooooh”.

First up, the one and only Psycho Sandra.  

She’s the one who did this:

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… and everything she does is amazing and cool and she’s self-taught as well, but so much more ACTUALLY talented than me and I feel a bit jealous and sick when I look at her blog, but she’s so good I can’t stay away.

A new favourite is the community photos page on http://www.beautylish.com – excellent when you want to go on an idea-stealing rampage.  Everything’s on there, entire looks or just ideas for eye, lips, hair, nails… everything.

Enjoy, and see you again in a couple of days when I’ve got some new material!

xX blogs and kisses Xx

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the plot thickens…

30 Apr

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 I like shopping on the internet when I’m drunk

28 Apr

…which is why 3/4 of the storage space in my room is full of crazy crap like this.

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take me seriously

Opening packages and parcels is always exciting, especially when you don’t know what’s in them.  So imagine my surprise last week when not one, but two yellow wigs arrived.

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The orange lipstick I’m wearing is So Chaud by MAC with a bit of their eyeshadow in Honeylust in the centre of my bottom lip.  Did you guys know they still do the package recycling incentive, so if you return 6 MAC makeup empties of any kind to them, they’ll give you a free lippy (but not from the Viva Glam range, as that’s sold to raise cash for the MAC AIDS fund).

Anyway.  Gotta go rack my brains to see if I can remember why I would have thought I needed two yellow wigs.  I really do have fantastic ideas when I’m pissed, why don’t I write them down?  Oh yeah, because “amazing shelf bum” written on a gin-soaked receipt still leaves me completely in the dark.

forgot-to-flog Friday

26 Apr
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can’t flog…

original unedited image

(original unedited image)

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…. eating.

 

how to be photogenic

24 Apr

People often mistake me for photogenic, which is obviously a nice compliment – but it’s simply not the case.  I look like an elderly man in profile, and I also have to work quite hard at making sure my nose doesn’t look like a penis.

It’s all about angles, really.

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Chloe and I have quite snap-happy mum, who also gives very good advice about not looking like hell in a photo.  Remember, chin DOWN and FORWARD.  A photo taken from slightly above will usually turn out better than one taken from below.  Think MySpace and keep going.  Know your best angle, and work it.  If you never let a hideous photo of yourself be taken or published, then technically that’s all it takes to be photogenic.

Your photographer will be either your best friend or your worst enemy here.  Learn which of your friends are shite at taking photos, and never let those people take your picture.

BE PREPARED.  If you grimace and go “eeeeerrrrggh I HATE having my photo taken!” whenever someone whips out a camera, then you’ll end up with nothing but photos of yourself with your face screwed up, mid-sentence.  No wonder you hate photos of yourself, if that’s what they look like.  Just smile.

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Try to be born to parents who are really attractive, as this will give you the best genetic advantage possible.  Also, if you have your hair and makeup professionally done every day, you’ll look better in photos too.

These photos are from Sunday, when Chloe and I were in Glasgow seeing Jettblack.

Chloe blue herself for the occasion

Chloe blue herself for the occasion

Jon Dow.  A man who understands that if you don't need to wear a shirt, you shouldn't wear a shirt.

Jon Dow. A man who understands that if you don’t need to wear a shirt, you shouldn’t wear a shirt.

me with lead singer Will Stapleton

me with super-lovely lead singer Will Stapleton

me with guitar and vocals Jon Dow

me with guitar and vocals Jon Dow, who had annoyingly put on a hoodie after coming off stage, but had the good grace to keep it unzipped.

It took quite a bit of arm-twisting to get this photo of Chloe giving Jon a piggy-back…

giddy up

giddy up

… he was all like, “my girlfriend’s not going to like this, you’re not going to put it on Facebook are you?” (nope, just my flog which gets zillions of daily hits with its huge international audience) and I was all like “if your girlfriend gives you a hard time about being piggybacked by giant Australian sisters, then you really need to take a good hard look at your relationship and just marry me instead.”

Not really.  I didn’t actually say that.  But we were all thinking it.