Tag Archives: Glasgow

let’s go, Glasgow

18 Aug

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Here is my face looking pretty darn pleased with itself, because as of Wednesday last week, I live in Glasgow.  And tomorrow I go in to Clydebank to enrol in my first of two years of study towards a Higher National Diploma in Make-Up Artistry.

I haven’t put much up on here lately because it’s been a bit of a funny ole time in the Imosphere, and I’ve not known what to say about a few things during this time of upheaval.  And this flog is for PHOTOS and feel-good fun times, not wordy introspective moany whiney pish-posh.

The end of my era (in Oban generally, at the backpackers specifically) – although not any kind of final goodbye – was hard and sad and weird.  I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to, and I still wake up every morning with what I need to get on with during my working day there playing on my mind.  I guess that will fade in time.

Packing and moving always sucks but I’ve done it enough times, and recently, to be good at it.  My toothbrush and deodorant were where I thought i’d packed them, and I was also able to immediately locate the bra and dress I wanted to wear when I got changed.  I still need quite a bit of storage/furniture/drawers/a desk etc, but for now I know what is in each of the boxes piled around my new room.

Tomorrow will be my first shot at public transport between my new flat and the college, which will hopefully pass without incident.  After enrolling I’ve got one more week until classes start for real, one more week to get good at being in Glasgow and also maybe to find a part time job.  Wish me luck.

I’m looking for a highly-paid part time position that is fun, with cool workmates, preferably somewhere that gives me access to a lot of free shit that I actually need or want.  These things might include CDs, concert tickets, food and makeup.  Please forward job offers/sponsorship via my contact page.

But anyway.  This flog is about to be inundated with exciting tales and photos of my road to makeup mastery.  Thank you for hanging in there with me while I transition from backpacker queen to Academy Award-winning makeup goddess.

Perhaps today’s toughest decision is which farewell/new-beginning/winds of change themed hair-metal track to whip out to commemorate this moment in our journey.  There are so many to choose from and I feel a great responsibility to choose wisely.

Is Glasgow to be my Paradise City?  Here I Go Again On My Own, striking out solo in a new town?  Who will make me feel Welcome To The Jungle?  Or should I be looking backwards and assuring Oban and all my friends there that I Remember You?  Is there ever a good enough reason to put the cringey I Hate Kissing You Goodbye out there?  Should I be saving Home Sweet Home for a future post about my upcoming trip to Australia?

Gah.  Whitesnake wins.  Now go get yourself a floaty white dressing gown, a powerful wind machine, not one but two Jaguars and roll around on the pushed-together bonnets.

Enjoy!  Xx

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bye, July

31 Jul

Chloe and I travelled through space and time down to London last week, for the David Bowie Is exhibition at the Victoria & Albert Museum.  She bought us flights and a night in a hostel right by the museum for my birthday, and THAT, boys and girls, is how you win employee of the month.

So here is a little photo essay, scroll down really fast to animate and it’s almost like you’re there with us.  Soundtrack: us screeching “HOW FUCKING MUCH?” every time we had to pay for something.

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it would probably be quicker to WALK from Oban to London but public transport is just so much funnnn

After … about 30 hours in transit, we finally arrived in London.  It was HOT down there – up in the highlands, summer so far has been humid and freezing, the worst of both worlds.  But in London, blue skies and legit t-shirt temperatures!

Nelson's Column, London Eye in the background.

Nelson’s Column, London Eye in the background.

We checked in to our hostel…

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good luck with that

… and beetled straight over to the V&A to check out our chances of getting in the next day.  We put on our broadest Australian accents and advised the staff that we had travelled a very. long. way. to see the exhibition, and we were only in London for one day so what did they suggest we do to guarantee a ticket?

Sadly they didn’t usher us into the exhibition after hours so we could dance about trying on the priceless Yamamotos.

Chloe (left) and me dancing about in the priceless Yamamotos

Chloe (left) and me dancing about in the priceless Yamamotos. Thanks, yeah, I work out.

But they did tell us to get in line quick-sharp the next morning, and all going well we’d be allowed in.  The museum opens at 10am so they told us to come around 9am, but we didn’t take any chances.  We were there at 8am because we’re hardcore.

good thing too, this was the line by 9am. We were 15th and 16th from the front, coiled like steel springs ready to fly through the doors at 10:00:01am

good thing too, this was the line by 9am. We were 15th and 16th from the front, coiled like steel springs ready to fly through the doors at 10:00:01am

We got stand-by tickets to the first showing…

BOOM

BOOM

and the exhibition was friggin’

squeeeeee

squeeeeee

We had to go and drink some vodka in Regent's Park afterwards to calm down before our flight back up to Scottyland

We had to go and drink some vodka in Regent’s Park afterwards to calm down before our flight back up to Scottyland

So then we spent the night in my new flat in Glasgow, which I will be moving in to in 2 weeks from today.

Sad to leave my awesome housemates and weird to leave the town and job that have been home for the last 5 years...

Sad to leave my awesome housemates and weird to leave the town and job that have been home for the last 5 years…

... but excited for the change of scenery and the bloody amazing fun and opportunities that are to come!

… but excited for the change of scenery and the bloody amazing fun and opportunities that are to come!

So that’s me, kids.  I’m spending the next couple of weeks trying to sort out things at work and get my move a’happenin’.  I know I’ve really let this flog die in the arse and I do apologise to any disappointed stalkers out there.  I’ve got some good ideas for future posts so hang in there and one day I will get my shit together and make it worth your while.

meantime, here are my nails! Silver flame wraps that I bought in Reykjavic earlier this year.

meantime, here are my nails! Silver flame wraps that I bought in Reykjavik earlier this year.

Right, now I’m off to bed, and when I wake up I’m going to make August my BEEEEAATCH.  Stay tuned, best beloved xX

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what a week

22 Jul

I’m lying in bed with my laptop on my chest, full of cake and hangover, but smiling through the pain.  Thanks to my family and friends for indulging me, spoiling me, celebrating with me this weekend – feeling very loved and overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity.

So how does one turn 30, Imo-style?  Well.

I went down to Glasgow to scope out my new local area…

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… continued filming How I Killed Your Father with the delightful David Fernandez…

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… got the surprise of my life when Irene came over from Denmark to surprise me for my birthday…

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… celebrated the shit out of said birthday, by having a Tarantino co-party with other July baby Agapantha…

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can I just point out, the reason I look knackered is too-clever shading and contouring I did so I would look like I had been up all night taking cocaine with Vincent Vega. Not actually so hag-faced in real life, I swear.
Many thanks to resident pastry chef (and fellow Adelaide girl) Keva for the raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake – yummm.  Check out her blog here and I challenge you to NOT lick your computer screen.

 

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Colin as Stuntman Mike. Scar by me.

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Ian getting tatted up a la George Clooney in Dusk Til Dawn

… and ripped all my clothes off and jumped into Loch Lomond with Faye, because why not.

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This coming week I’m ordering all the kit to start my course next month, but even more exciting than bruise wheels and liquid latex is this – my adventure down to London with Chloe for the David Bowie Is exhibition at the V&A.  Giddy up!

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ain’t she just the best

So just this once I’ll deviate from the usual hair metal that only I give a shit about, and leave you with the great man himself.  A new version of this song is being used to advertise a mobile phone at the moment so here you go, get educated.

You can substitute the lyrics to be “blue, blue, electric blue, is the colour of my poo” if you like.

Until next time, be good.  Xx

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ladies, I know where all the good ones are hiding!

7 Jun

do u want to share a nice place with a nice handsome guy?;)

I am living in one bedroom flat, and I like to shear my Flat with decent female if you inerested

you are so cute!

Hi there are u still looking for room I have something for u , don’t worry about rent just phone me

ON THE INTERNET!  THAT’S where they all are.  Just waiting for someone to put an ad on Gumtree for a flat-share, before they pounce with close-up photos of their penises*.

Sigh.  I’m trying to get whoreganised for starting the makeup artistry study at Clydebank, you see.  At the moment, all I know is that I’ve got a place on the course, and that classes begin on 19 August.  As I intend to go balls-to-the-wall with the course, this will involve defecting from Oban and being present, focused, committed and completely available somewhere near the college at least, from mid-August onwards.

Which is exciting and fabulous; I like Glasgow.  I’m lucky too; my boss isn’t making me quit my cool job up here in Oban to embark on this new adventure.  August is probably the worst month in which to make myself scarce, as it’s our busiest up here – yet still he’s being all cool with it.  The idea, at this stage with NO INFORMATION WHATSOEVER FROM THE COLLEGE, is that I’ll be down there in Glasgow for part of the week, and up here in Oban as much as practical and possible.

So what I’m looking for is a room in a flat with nice normal people who already live there.  Somewhere that will be easy-access to the college.  As I’m not sure how much of the week I’ll be spending there, the most important thing is that public transport between my new digs and college is quick and easy, and that my co-inhabitants don’t try to get fresh with me.  Unless I say they can.

The lonely hearts that are replying to my business-like, non-sexual and entirely uninviting ad on Gumtree represent quite a wide and vivid spectrum of un-gentlemanliness.  Some are obvious creeps, but some are just lonely and want someone else to be there when they get home.  And I’m actually not here to make fun of that.

I pity them only because they’re barking up completely the wrong tree if they’re approaching ME to give their home any kind of feminine touch.  I mean, I’ve been known to throw dishes in the bin instead of washing up.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a pig (as evidenced by my unwillingness to have dirty dishes lying around), but I’m just not one to buy flowers or bake cookies, sorry guys.

You could only have ever described me as a house proud domestic goddess during protracted periods of underemployment, when I had literally nothing better to do and couldn’t afford to be out in public having an actual good time.  This was before things like laptops and broadband entered the Imosphere, so self-entertainment was a different animal.

Just to be clear, I can bake, polish silver, vacuum the skirting boards properly.  I know about stain removal.  I know which cleaning products to use on the various household surfaces.  I know that tidying the sofas can make you a rich woman; there is ALWAYS change in that bad boy.  A veritable gold mine!

I am lightening with an iron; when I was a kid I got 5c per shirt, so I had to be damn fast or I’d be losing money standing there.  I really enjoy a clean, orderly home – and that shit was my bread and butter when I was an enterprising child fleecing my parents out of $10 a week to do ALL of the housework (the equivalent of -$7.82 per hour in today’s economic climate; I bet they still laugh about it, but at the time, when I was too young to be legally employed anywhere else, it was like winning the lottery).  It’s just… there’re so many better things to do.

So like I was saying, I pity the fool(s) who are looking for a guid wee wifey because, as Carissa wisely said, anyone who would post or respond to an invitation to share a rent-free bed with a guy you haven’t met in exchange for doing his domestic shit-work… would have to be completely insane.  Gasp – I’ve just figured it out.

Anyway.  Who cares.  I’ll find somewhere.

Oh and I did Carissa’s nails, all cartoon like.

nails

 

*Not impressed, ‘Joanna’.

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how to be photogenic

24 Apr

People often mistake me for photogenic, which is obviously a nice compliment – but it’s simply not the case.  I look like an elderly man in profile, and I also have to work quite hard at making sure my nose doesn’t look like a penis.

It’s all about angles, really.

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Chloe and I have quite snap-happy mum, who also gives very good advice about not looking like hell in a photo.  Remember, chin DOWN and FORWARD.  A photo taken from slightly above will usually turn out better than one taken from below.  Think MySpace and keep going.  Know your best angle, and work it.  If you never let a hideous photo of yourself be taken or published, then technically that’s all it takes to be photogenic.

Your photographer will be either your best friend or your worst enemy here.  Learn which of your friends are shite at taking photos, and never let those people take your picture.

BE PREPARED.  If you grimace and go “eeeeerrrrggh I HATE having my photo taken!” whenever someone whips out a camera, then you’ll end up with nothing but photos of yourself with your face screwed up, mid-sentence.  No wonder you hate photos of yourself, if that’s what they look like.  Just smile.

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Try to be born to parents who are really attractive, as this will give you the best genetic advantage possible.  Also, if you have your hair and makeup professionally done every day, you’ll look better in photos too.

These photos are from Sunday, when Chloe and I were in Glasgow seeing Jettblack.

Chloe blue herself for the occasion

Chloe blue herself for the occasion

Jon Dow. A man who understands that if you don't need to wear a shirt, you shouldn't wear a shirt.

Jon Dow. A man who understands that if you don’t need to wear a shirt, you shouldn’t wear a shirt.

me with lead singer Will Stapleton

me with super-lovely lead singer Will Stapleton

me with guitar and vocals Jon Dow

me with guitar and vocals Jon Dow, who had annoyingly put on a hoodie after coming off stage, but had the good grace to keep it unzipped.

It took quite a bit of arm-twisting to get this photo of Chloe giving Jon a piggy-back…

giddy up

giddy up

… he was all like, “my girlfriend’s not going to like this, you’re not going to put it on Facebook are you?” (nope, just my flog which gets zillions of daily hits with its huge international audience) and I was all like “if your girlfriend gives you a hard time about being piggybacked by giant Australian sisters, then you really need to take a good hard look at your relationship and just marry me instead.”

Not really.  I didn’t actually say that.  But we were all thinking it.

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nailed it: Zombody to love

22 Apr

Wordplay stolen from Carissa.

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Iron Fist ‘zombie stomper’ nail transfers

These Iron Fist bad-boys came in a neat lil packet with a nail file and wooden stick to poke your cuticles with.

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I’ve used lots of different brands of nail transfers, and I have to say (having only worn these so far for a few hours) that I’m pretty impressed.

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The instructions recommend buffing your nails and applying the transfers to a clean surface, but I also suggest putting on a base coat, whatever you would normally put on your nails if you are so inclined.  For a while I have been using Sally Hansen Miracle Cure Problem Nail Strengthener.

I recommend this for two reasons; partly to give the sticker something to grip, but mostly to protect your natural nail.  So when you peel it off, it doesn’t take bits of your own nail with it.  Stickers are dark horses; wearing them back-to-back for several weeks last summer, I found myself with soft flaky nails, good for nothing.

I suggest putting on a base coat, letting it dry, then applying your transfers.

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All nail stickers are usually designed for long-ish nails; you need to have some length to be able to wrap the transfer over, to file it off.  And the designs are usually for longer nails – some of the zombie eyeballs were kind of cut off, even on my nails which I would say are pretty long right now.

Speaking of.  You might have also noticed that some of my nails are revoltingly long and pointy; this is a nail-shape that seems to work well for me, as in, it resists chips and splits etc, and I can grow my nails disgustingly long if I file them in to a point while I do it.  Also makes me feel like Cat Woman.

Anyway.  These nail stickers went on really well; they are a lot softer and more pliable than many other brands I have used, so they were very easy to stretch-to-fit onto my nails, and being so pliable, fit really easily.  I screwed up on two of my nails and to be honest those two are already (a few hours after applying them) showing signs of poor resilience.

Compared to other brands (including Nail Rock) that have been somewhat more brittle, it looks like these will wear well.  I’ll update this post to let you know for sure.  Other brands I’ve used have been more difficult to apply completely smoothly, and that seems to be the trouble with any nail sticker; as soon as it’s not perfectly applied, any wrinkles will quickly turn into peeling and lifting.  Makes sense I guess.

Anyway – this post is scheduled to go live on Monday, when I will be heading back home to Oban from Glasgow.  I was there to see Jettblack, so it’s possible that by the time you are reading this, I will have run off with Jon Dow and you won’t hear from me again.  If that is the case I’ll give Chloe my flog password so she can let you all down gently.

Do you think he likes zombie nails?  I hope he likes zombie nails.  Screeeeam!

Update: this is what they look like after 48 hours wear.

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The index and pinky finger are the worst; these are the two that I screwed up putting on.  The pinky is ripped in the middle and the index finger just has quite a big chunk missing from the tip.  As the pattern is so busy it’s not actually that noticeable in real life.

The rest of the nails have worn a little on the tips but not too much.  None of them have peeled or lifted, so, they remain the best-wearing nail stickers I have used – hands down!

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it’s raining rock n’ roll

23 Mar

What’s that you say?

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You like posts with photos of me in the nuddy the best?

You’re only human.

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But anyway, I didn’t put black lipstick with pink lipliner on to discuss that.  No.  I’m here to deliver the interesting-only-to-me news that my Jettblack tickets arrived.

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I love Jettblack because Jon Dow.

the man I'm going to marry

I’m pretty sure he wrote this song about me, which is awesome because I think it’s the best love song I’ve ever heard.  I very much look forward to meeting him and moving our relationship to the next level (reality).

Chloe is coming to see them too, of course.  She still owes me (and will always owe me) for the Hanson/Kelly Clarkson double-whammy.

imo at kelly clarkson

She was quite surprised when I breathlessly showed her the photo of my future-husband Jon, as she was expecting Jettblack to be in their fifties at least.  Just like every other band I’ve made her come see.

Happy hair-metal weekend, rocklings.

*No mullets were harmed in the making of this post – it’s just tied up.

PS Here’s a fun photo effects thingy – http://pixlr.com/o-matic/

PPS For my photo-editing I use http://www.photoscape.org

PPPS Oh yeah, this is a makeup blog.  So here’s a tip, I can’t remember where I saw it so I do apologise if I’ve nicked this from another beauty blogger who I’m now not crediting… but I’m pretty sure I saw it in a magazine so hopefully no harm done.  Anyway.  Make the darkest part of your eyebrows at the arch to make them look fuller, not the inside corner like you might think.  Boom.

PPPPS I STILL haven’t heard from Clydebank College about whether I’ll be offered a place on the HND in Makeup Artistry…

… the suspense is killing me…

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Vegemite and lip tattoos – Colin rides again

17 Mar

After the last post featuring my housemate Colin’s nipples, I have been deluged with requests, fan mail, bribes, marriage proposals, weird fan-art, and all sorts of messages and trinkets that I was supposed to pass on to him, but didn’t.

Some of the more savoury suggestions you sent in, dear readers, included things you wanted me to do to Colin’s lucious lips.  Which is why we are here today, to try out the lip tattoos given to me for Christmas by my babelicous Danish friend, Irene.

Here’s me with Irene, in Glasgow, December 2011, on our way to the Def Leppard/Motley Crue/Steel Panther gig.

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So Irene gave me, amongst other fabulous gifts, some lip transfer/tattoos.

As made famous by Jessie J

As made famous by Jessie J

They’re just like the temporary tattoos that we all played with as kids (I don’t still play with them, HAHAHAHAHAHAA).  You cut the tattoo to fit the size and shape of your lips, peel off the plastic, wet the tattoo generously with cold water, press it on then carefully lift away the paper backing once the tattoo is stuck to the skin.

Colin assumes the position

Colin assumes the position

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But I just didn’t think that was creepy enough, so I made his teeth pointy.

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These pointy teeth were created with…

yes, Vegemite!

yes, Vegemite!

… although if you want a longer-lasting pointy tooth, get some tooth enamel.  Otherwise, as soon as you stop baring your teeth and start flapping your gums as normal, you’ll end up looking like you need to see the dentist urgently.

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So the lip tattoo lasted for an entire evening.

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And it lasted quite well.  I thought it would crack and peel but it didn’t, it just kind of faded.  He got a good few hours wear.

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And it wasn’t any ordinary night that the lip tattoo survived; it was Roadtrip Three Reunion night, where Chloe, Colin and I enjoyed a splendid slideshow of all the photos from the holiday we took together a year ago.  She-housemate Zoe might not have enjoyed it as much as we did, but she was a bloody good sport about it, and that’s why we love her 🙂

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men with makeup: Olli Herman

24 Jan

This blog is about makeup, and this photo is of a man wearing quite a bit of makeup.  So the relevance is tenuous, yes, and I’m happy to admit I just wanted to post a photo of me with the lovely Olli Herman, of Finnish glam rock outfit Reckless Love.

That’s us out the front of the Cathouse in Glasgow, after their gig in October 2012.  A lot of people, upon seeing this photo, don’t realise at first that he’s a bloke, but he’s all man in real life, oh yes.  Even with all the fake tan, eyeliner, long blond hair extensions, lip gloss, coconut-scented hairspray, bronzer, false eyelashes, skin-tight velvet trousers etc etc etc.

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A few things you can take away from today’s post:

1. Men in makeup are hot.  There were a lot of screaming women at that gig. Men in makeup are also manly. There were also a lot of rough, tough, tattoo’d, bearded, leather-wearing metal men there who were taking it seriously.

2. Anyone can pull anything off, so you should just wear whatever you want all the time, and don’t worry about what anyone thinks, because it actually doesn’t matter.  Regardless of what you look like, there are always going to be people who think you look good and people who don’t think you look good, but if you like how you look, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks anyway. Go see Reckless Love just quickly for a crash course in confidence; they’re amazing and very, very entertaining.

3. If you want makeup to show up in photos, you really do have to trowel it on.  I thought I’d gone a bit wild on my own eyeliner that night, but next to Olli I look relatively bare-faced!  Haha

Also, you have a right to know that I was wearing a pair of fingerless pleather studded gloves when that photo was taken.  Details are important.

“My style icon is anyone who makes a bloody effort.” – Isabella Blow

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